Hey, Chris.

Didn't sift through the feedbacks, so I'm not sure if you still want feedback, If you're doing a re-write, I'll wait for the new version to be posted.

Frank

Hey Frank,

I'm not working on any rewrites for Noise Complaint at the moment. Always accepting criticism and feedback and would love to hear your thoughts.

Hey Chris,

Read the first dozen pages, like it so far.
Easy read, good spacing, dialogue flows.

I'd like to nit pick a little on the first few pages. These are my opinions, take it for what it's worth.
We all have our different writing styles.

I'll try to wrap up the reading of the script this weekend. It's got a nice vibe, even if it's not totally a new concept.

* I would copyright the script.
* Enjoyed the opening, rock wall, ring, tragedy. Nice set-up.
* Cole's description, pretty cool.
* Not sure if I like the description "same age" for Kaden, why not write his age.
* There are quite a few unfilmables and personally I would keep these to a minimum.
* Not sure I understand the use of exclamation "!" in dialogue.
* On the first few pages, your actions start with Kaden quite a few times. Try to mix it up.
* Usually using is/are/does/doesn't in action, tells more than shows.
* I believe "--" is used in dialogue, not action, as a shift/interruption.
* Go easy on words ending in -ing, climbing why not climbs.
* Page4: COLE "No I didn’t.". This dialogue is good. Simple, but effective.
* Page5: Not sure if you need "SMASH CUT TOO:", a new slug-line would do.
* Assuming this is a spec script, "PULL BACK TO REVEAL:" is not necessary.
* IMO, not a big fan of the capped sounds, doesn't add anything to the script, distracting.
* Virtually no description of Paige.
* INT. KADEN’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM, somewhat amputated, DAY/NIGHT would be nice. Even if it's obvious
I like to add DAY or NIGHT to a slug, unless mini-slugs.
* This is very nit picky, "Kaden and Paige sit in front of the coffee table", I would use "a table"
instead of "the table," first time introduced.
* Page7: Paige's dialogue, "PAIGE" Of course your neighbors would be clog dancers." Liked it.
* Not sure if parenthetical is necessary because Paige answers the phone.
* Page 10: "INT. KADEN’S APARTMENT - LATER THAT NIGHT", don't like LATER THAT NIGHT in the slug,
what follows, the dream/flash, doesn't think that was written that well.
* I would use mini-slugs when moving from room to room in Kaden's apartment, assuming same time stamp.

As I said initially, like it so far. I try to plug through it this weekend, easy read, curious to know
about Kaden's interaction with Trevor.

I'll focus more on character/story/plot/tone etc.

Good work so far.

Frank

Hey Chris,

Finished the script.
Overall, I liked it.

Easy read, slow burn. Like the way you unwrapped it with surprises, twists, turns and Cole/Kaden switch.
Snappy dialogue, your strong point. Story, ploy and characters work.
Nice ending with the rock wall and the xbox.

Page26: The way Shawn calmed the kid at the hospital, liked that.

Simon/Trevor really well written. Sometimes I felt he was quite more mature for his age.

Page37:  INT. MARTA STATION (NORTH SPRINGS) - DAY
A Super is needed or show us a sign that states the name of the location/station.

Page43: INT. SHAWN’S CAR - LATER, not clear if they are driving or not. I would make it clear in the
the slug-line sitting in the car or moving, put that into the slug-line (PARKED/STOPPED/MOVING)
Your slug-lines are not consistent and by omitting DAY or NIGHT (timestamp), I sometimes had
to scroll back to find out what the time of the day it was. Also be consistent, you're
mixing APARTMENT and APARTMENT BUILDING, EX: INT. APARTMENT - LOBBY - DAY. Also UPSTAIRS
APARTMENT becomes HELEN'S APARTMENT at one point, if I recall correctly.

The Montages are more like Series of Shots, one location, multiple things happening.

I liked Paige, was hoping for more involvement from her, support and such.

How they got John Treyker out of the apartment building?

CONT'D is not really used that much anymore.
Cap E in employee.
Fucking, WTF and dick (instead: penis) in action, IMO, doesn't add too much, expose it in dialogue.

PAGE 75: "Shawn parks at the curb." I don't feel the urgency.
After driving like a bat out of hell, I think Shawn would slam on the breaks, wheels skid,
hits the curb -- then Kaden jumps out.

Good script, Chris.
Best of luck.

Frank

Hey Frank,

Thanks for giving this a full read and providing some valuable notes!

The script is copyrighted. I just don't include that information on the title page.

I'm definitely guilty of including unfilmmables. I think the industry is becoming a little more lax about using them, but I still try to keep them to a minimum. Hopefully the ones I used at least elevated the story or helped set the tone.

Thanks for your attention to detail with the slugs. I'll definitely have to go back and make sure they're consistent across the board.

I really like Paige too and tried to include her as much as possible. I considered a possible phone call to her somewhere in the middle act, just for Kaden to vent about what's been going on, but couldn't find a way to incorporate it without it feeling like a speed bump in the pacing.

How Trevor got John Treyker's body out of the apartment... who knows? I actually wanted to keep many questions unanswered so the audience could have some fun deciding for themselves. How did he get the body out? Where was Trevor actually staying this whole time? Etc. I like having some gray areas.

Thank you again for your feedback. Appreciate it so much and I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

I have always enjoyed this one…Trevor always struck me as being a great villain. He’s genuinely quite imposing and has that subtle menace.