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It reads like a novice effort but there's nothing wrong with that and much is learned through re-writing. Okay, story-wise, I'm no expert on anything but at least I read it all. That's a good sign. Your story and characters were paper thin. Part of the problem is that WE don't get a clear sense of genre as the story opens. Is this a parody of earlier family adventure films? That said - it's suppose to be a thriller -- but it comes across as just a drama. You have to remember to "Wow" the reader within the first pages of your script. Or at least hook the audience. Methinks this is very very important. Especially for a thriller.
Also, the dialog needs work - it tends to be flat and mechanical, revealing little about the characters and how they really feel about the situation they're in. They all seem to be going along with this scenario as if it's something that happens to them every day.
On the cosmetic side, brush up on script formatting, Sorry, don't have anything more than that, no time. Hopefully someone else comes along and get more specific about the basics of screenwriting.
Um... you could also consult a few format books like Dave Trottier's. Reading dozens of screenplays can offer more screenwriting education than any book or seminar. Also, lots of free software out there.
Anywaz, nice idea with a lot of potential, but needs mucho work. G' luck with this and of course, welcome to SS. -_ghostie gal
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