Ride Share by Eric Dickson - Thriller, Dark Comedy - Inspired by an actual case, a down on his luck Uber driver becomes the prime suspect in a series of abductions. 99 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Dear Eric,
I get why you've introduced Will's stupid pals - but I don't think you need much of 'em at all. The first few scenes are really only delaying the story. Once you are into your stride is good stuff - withthe plots and pacing.
As I read it - I wondered if you could almost start with part of the Mason Jar scene of Lacey and Will (as a flash forward).
The "tell" ending paras come as a bit of a "And we're out!" snap ending - maybe even montage it. So IMHO fix the first reel, then you're flying. All best --

Much appreciated.  Yeah this is a rough first draft and I definitely need to change the abrupt ending.  I was thinking of bringing Kitty back into the story by having her shoot her pimp during an argument and is forced into roll over on Detective Lacey.  This way, Will is officially off the hook as a suspect in Charlene's hit and run and the Pathway murders.  Show Will going to pick her up as an Uber passenger, and the cops are arresting her.  A better, more satisfying ending.   The idea was the audience is unsure if Will ran over Charlene or was it Lacey?  I dont think its very clear as it stands.  Ill work on that with the second draft.

By the way, all the Uber storyline is 100% true.  It all happened to me when I drove rideshare two years ago.
I actually drove a stable of prostitutes around after hours and saw some crazy stuff.