Blind Faith

Short notes: wow, this one drew me in. You mixed them up in the ending but this can happen. Great work.

story (0-5): 4

character (0-5): 4

presentation (0-5): 4

total: 12

To me this one fits the brief.

I thought this story was a bit mean towards Ricky.

The writing was fine, easy to follow, quite visual.

Not bad for two days work.

I don't get why Bo copped it. Didn't he hang around when the others split or acted cowardly?

Trevor calls Bo a chicken-shit for staying put? Oh, okay, you're brave if you leave the kid to his fate.

Ricky should have a trademark cane if blind, not a walking stick imh.

In description when you write: ' Jim and Trevor break shit' do you mean they are actually destroying stuff? Cause really you should keep the slang for dialogue.

Now Jim has a stick too?

Okay, it's well written, no doubt, nice descriptions of the boys, nice visuals and writing for the setup, particularly the opening,  but the story fizzled a bit for me at the end.

I liked this one. Well written but very predictable since bullies always get it in the end. Did the ghost gouge out the eyes of Jim? If so, what happened to Ricky? Good stuff.

I wrote this one and I'll come clean: I fucked up the names in that last scene. It totally was supposed to be Ricky, not Jim, who survived. I was pretty much on autopilot by then and did some last-minute name-changing/juggling... don't know why I did that, never goes well. Lol. The race was close, but I don't think I deserved to win based on that alone. In fact, I like the idea of the monster blinding Jim even more than what I did go with.

Yes, I went the "safe" route with the story, with an average monster-in-an-abandoned-place tale. I did have a different idea that I toyed around with, but it didn't feel like much of a horror story, so I scrapped it.

Some have mentioned the monster's compassion not mingling well with its terrible cruelty at the end of the story. My point was that it sympathized with Ricky (and only Ricky) because Ricky was blind just like her. If I ever expand this one, I'll make sure to drive that point home more clearly. It's still very much an aggressive, vengeful force.

I was very wary of the page limit and wasn't sure if I would "make it," so I did rush the ending. I believe Dustin as well as others mentioned something along those lines.

I am very pleased that people mostly liked the actual writing. I do pride myself somewhat on that, as I've been toiling in the craft for a while now.

This was a great exercise and an awesome experience for me. Thanks, people!

One of the more visual scripts. Although it could go further. You have a gift so why not show off?