Another one that would make a good short film. Easy to shoot and effective.

Definately has a creep factor to it. I'd be surprised if this doesn't get snapped up really quickly.

I admire the writing here (except for two bumps: "pale shaft...writhing dust motes" and the line that begins "Not a dress he's wearing...". I'm not deducting for it, though).

A well-delivered story.

I agree.  Some of the prose was just a bit too cute.  It took me out of the story, and that is a big, no -no.  IMO, that marks it down a bit.  You never want to get too cute that it distracts from the story.  And the fact that that line has been mentioned so many times, that isn't good.

Creep factor was high.  I think you could even make it higher.  

SPOILERS
If the guy stole the dad's pliers, you should make a mention as to the fact they are now missing.

Solid little story.

Solid 3.  Would have been a 4 if not for that bad line.

Dan

The Tooth Fairy

A hard score to decide on here for me. On one hand, the execution is flawless and the story scary and triggering a lot of anger… then I don't believe an audience would like this episode. With kids you must be careful regarding your cinematic expression and especially the ENDING of the story. Therefore, I only go with a
2

Whoever wrote this is seriously disturbed. Nice job!

Creepy stuff! Thanks for giving me nightmares tonight...

I sort of feel like you should have gone the supernatural route. Like, this is the tooth fairy your mama never told you about-- the one from a fucked-up 18th century German children's book or something.

You get just as much chills from it being an escaped loony though. Good work!

Quoted from DanC Creep factor was high.  I think you could even make it higher.

Creep factor is plenty high if you have a child this age, thank you very much.

Horror?

Quoted from CameronD Horror?

No, cause it's such fun to have a phsyco with pliers around your kid!

Hmmm I'm not sure about this.  I would imagine the girl saying "no way" or runs away.   Not bad overall.

Quoted from jayrex Hmmm I'm not sure about this.  I would imagine the girl saying "no way" or runs away.   Not bad overall.

Though my experience with 6-year-olds is that any deal made more than ten seconds ago will be forgotten when it's time to do their part, I got the impression that the Tooth Fairy wasn't going to take "no" for an answer.

So I have a pretty good job, and I currently have six bucks cash on me.

But an escaped mental patient can get in and out of the house without the parents knowing, and has twenties to throw around in exchange for teeth?

Quoted from ajr So I have a pretty good job, and I currently have six bucks cash on me. But an escaped mental patient can get in and out of the house without the parents knowing, and has twenties to throw around in exchange for teeth?

Sorry, but I had to laugh at this. Very good!

Moving on...

Quoted from ajr So I have a pretty good job, and I currently have six bucks cash on me. But an escaped mental patient can get in and out of the house without the parents knowing, and has twenties to throw around in exchange for teeth?

You really should read Mo Hayder's, The Treatment, or any horror where there's a character hiding in a family's basement or attic.

That said, suspension of disbelief. As an audience we do this all the time.
Logically, a lot of people (cashless society) carry very little cash on us.

The 'ghoul' of this piece has escaped from a mental health facility.
Of course he will also be a thief.

The alternative is the writer change the dialogue between the parents so they discover their cash missing.

It amounts to imho, whether this would stand as an entertaining Short horror film.
Few tweaks, of course it would, and the proof will be after the tournament.

I would suspend belief if there was an element of 'magic' to this. As it's given to us though, the writer takes great pains to show us the place from which the person escaped. And if he's richer than me, then I'm going to go strip naked and run into the middle of the street and pour a pot of spaghetti all over myself. It sounds better on the inside...

And not only is this dude chucking Jacksons around, he's actually got hold of this dummy father's pair of pliers!

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