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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    The 2018 Writers' Tournament  ›  To The Flame - WT Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    To The Flame - WT  (currently 2931 views)
Don
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:30am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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To The Flame by 0 - Short, Sci Fi  - A young starship captain must save his ship from an alien attack. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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eldave1
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
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Very nice - when I read the fist passage I thought - oh no - going to be a bad one - and then - bravo - turned into one of my favs.

Nice job


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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JEStaats
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 1:09pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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Nice work, writer. Wasn't sure where this was going with an eight year old Captain. Thought it was a typo. Loved the last line.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:12pm Report to Moderator
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Saw where this was going but liked it.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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PrussianMosby
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:17pm Report to Moderator
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To The Flame

Good twist. Not bad.
3



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MarkItZero
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:46pm Report to Moderator
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Solid twist. Works for me.


That rug really tied the room together.
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Gary in Houston
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
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A very sure hand at work here.  Like the twist — and the little details that you pick up on the second time it’s read. Great job here.

Best,
Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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khamanna
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:16pm Report to Moderator
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Very nice, liked everything about it very much.
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ScottM
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:04pm Report to Moderator
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A cute little tale, nothing else to add.


Any thoughts on my work in progress would be appreciated.

The Digger

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1521688645/s-0/#num2
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Warren
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 2:58am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

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This was enjoyable. Good writing on display and a well rounded story.

I wondered at the age of the Captain, but didn't see the twist coming.


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Zombie Sean
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 10:30am Report to Moderator
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Cute story. I liked this one a lot too. Reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes.
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Stumpzian
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 12:20pm Report to Moderator
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I'm wondering how this would work on film. Would the opening scene be filmed as written, with an 8-year-old captain calling the shots?
Also, I think I'd go with first names only so we don't wonder why mother and son have different last names (though I like the Jack Be Nimble reference).
Anyhow, I like this. Reminds me of camping with my son long ago. Except he would've had a Millennium Falcon.



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jayrex
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:26pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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I like this one.  It's uses a good amount of imagination, shows us the child's imagination relative to his situation.  Think you nailed this one.


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RJP
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 11:58pm Report to Moderator
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Solid script. Nice dialogue. The action was done well.

A+
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CameronD
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 12:45pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



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Kapla.


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