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LMAO!! Well, what can I say? Sorry for the late review, but better late than never.
Hee hee, I liked this... a lot. I think you write very well and you always tell your stories with such ease. It's always a pleasure to read something by you.
Great little story you got there! Original, witty and snappy too. I wonder how they got those phallic pieces polished to such a fine sheen eh.....????
This was completley different to what I had expected. I didn't get too much of a lesbian vibe though, guess I know a lot of "friendly" girlfriends, so missed some of the subtleties actually.... as I'm used to the "friendly" nature of some of my girly-friends, lol!
It was a good logline by the way, just did the order of my reading another way this time around, not because the logline didn't get my attention.
Good job and well done on the description too btw.
That brings back memories of Pulp Fiction; I feel a large weight lifted after reading that.
I didn’t see much wrong with it technically or physically which is a good thing especially since I usually find a lot of spelling errors in screenplays. The one thing I had a problem with is you used “She” a lot line after line in your description… I don’t know if this is acceptable, if it is that’s awesome I always thought people would say “That looks stupid” and stop reading so basically it makes me nervous and I scale back descriptions.
Like people say “You learn something new every day”
I really enjoyed this and think it’s a very entertaining piece but it’s you and I have come to expect nothing less from the guy who gets overshadowed when collaborating. Just know that if you keep putting off Starbuck Starr to do these your audience will revolt, a mutiny if you will ha-ha (Remember what happened to Captain Jack Sparrow? You might be next.)
Hey, thanks for looking at this one, Kev. Most of the Westerns get overlooked, but what's cool about this genre is that once you get bumped to the top, you get to sit there, like, forever.
Now watch somebody read one tomorrow....
This one was actually part of the last "One Week Challenge" -- where Phil chose a Western theme -- it was anonymous for a while, and you might get a laugh out of knowing that everybody thought Brea wrote it. Go figure.
Thanks for the compliment on the characters. I like these characters, and hope to use them again in Starbuck Starr if I can manage to do so. (The gold-tooth bandit is already a character in that story, actually.)
And I have yet to see anybody on these boards pull off some good erotica -- although there is plenty of bad erotica to be had -- I can tell you were to find it if you want haha.
HAHAHAHA, this was great, it was funny and twisted, good job bert, I thought you had a good grasp on the dialog, it felt real, plus I loved the characters, the gold tooth guy(what a slimy bastard), and on the ending, great job, I was laughing my ass off . keep up the great writing.
The gist concerned Gerri undoing his belt buckle, a little more banter between the girls, and an O.S. scream from Gold-Tooth during that final fade -- as the blinds snapped shut. I thought the scream was too much.
That would have been perfect Bert. Ending with the blinds snapping shut. Possibly a scream to make it a little "Pulp Fiction'ish", but no more than that.