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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    My Work In Progress  ›  Short - Ares - 6 pages. Moderators: bert
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  Author    Short - Ares - 6 pages.   (currently 216 views)
RBW_14
Posted: December 1st, 2018, 7:30pm Report to Moderator
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I write stuff I think is cool, just like you do.

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GENRE: Drama/Thriller

LOGLINE: After a first date ends in tragedy, the Emergency staff involved is left asking questions.

A Script I'm working on that I plan on doing more with, thought I'd post to work in progress and say Hello.  

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EK3syeT7BC0zUKCicRNr50qruOJpSWZG/view?usp=sharing


RBW

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
RBW_14  -  December 1st, 2018, 8:49pm
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GM
Posted: December 1st, 2018, 8:03pm Report to Moderator
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Hey rbw

The link is not working for me even though I have google app.

In addition, if your looking for feedback, you can submit via don the direct way. There is a submission page.

Gabe



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RBW_14
Posted: December 1st, 2018, 8:47pm Report to Moderator
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I write stuff I think is cool, just like you do.

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Thanks, I think it should work now. As for the feedback I submitted a Finished 10 page short and actually just meant for this post for Ares to test the waters of SimplyScripts since I am new. So far the response time alone has been mucho bueno. I'll change it to a just a thumbs up or down if it works. Its a little more complicated script for me.  

Thanks again.


RBW
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GM
Posted: December 1st, 2018, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
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I still canít see pdf. What Iím getting is  ďitís a protected file. Try another app.Ē

Update: finally got it to open.

Gabe



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LiamX
Posted: December 2nd, 2018, 4:10am Report to Moderator
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Don't work
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GM
Posted: December 2nd, 2018, 6:56am Report to Moderator
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You gotta open separate from google. I needed to open a new tab.

Gabe



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RBW_14
Posted: December 2nd, 2018, 7:20am Report to Moderator
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I write stuff I think is cool, just like you do.

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Changed some more settings and hopefully its easier now. If not then please open link in a new tab. Thanks so much!


RBW
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GM
Posted: December 2nd, 2018, 8:17am Report to Moderator
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It works now.

Gabe



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GM
Posted: December 3rd, 2018, 12:08pm Report to Moderator
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Hey rbw

Finished the short.

Need to work on format such as the intro POV. You can look that up on SS or google it.

Other than that, itís really hard to gauge if itís interesting. I would say give us 10 more pages so we can see where your going with this.

Gabe



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RBW_14
Posted: December 3rd, 2018, 5:23pm Report to Moderator
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I write stuff I think is cool, just like you do.

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Thanks so much for the help and the read! Iíll work on the formatting and bringing more to the story in the next scene, add more context and everything.

Thanks again for taking the time to read something I created.


RBW
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GM
Posted: December 3rd, 2018, 6:36pm Report to Moderator
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No problem.

If you want more reads, you gotta read other scripts on scripts. Quid pro quo. And not to deter you from reading anything you donít like but, choose scripts from active members. Keywords being active members.

Gabe



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Matthew Taylor
Posted: December 4th, 2018, 7:11am Report to Moderator
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Hello

I know this is in WIP - but is this a contained short, or or this a snippet of something bigger?

If this is the whole story, it doesn't make much sense - there are a lot of characters, I know nothing about them, or how they fit in the story - who is Vektor? why are the EMT characters not the same as those in the ambulance? what's the point in the nurse scene?

I get the sense that in your mind, you can see this clearly - However, I could not, I tried really hard but could not get a vivid picture in my head.

What pulls me out of the story the most, are the instances of un-filmable information - there are a lot of them.

example


Quoted Text
He can't feel her lips


How is the audience suppose to know that?

Remember to write visually

All the best

Matt


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RBW_14
Posted: December 4th, 2018, 11:11pm Report to Moderator
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I write stuff I think is cool, just like you do.

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Thanks for the read and the reply. I think I'm going to call it a straight work in a progress of a possible feature. I have the whole story mapped out and was trying to see if this scene with Vekor (who i was trying make be a voice inside Luv's head) would work, it did not. Though I think it could be my approach at what I was trying to project which was being inside Luvs mind during the car crash.  I've recently gotten similar feedback for this script and now back to the drawing board.


RBW

Revision History (1 edits)
RBW_14  -  December 4th, 2018, 11:15pm
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