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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    My Work In Progress  ›  Feedback - comedy short Moderators: bert
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  Author    Feedback - comedy short  (currently 601 views)
FrankM
Posted: January 28th, 2019, 11:42am Report to Moderator
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Feedback by Frank MacCrory - Short, Comedy - A screenwriter tries to explain why he is so frustrated with the feedback his script received. 1 page - pdf format

An idea I had that needed to be written. And now it has, and I will never be forgiven.


Family feature: Who Wants to Be a Princess? Latest draft (6/2019)
Horror anthology/feature: Glass House Latest draft (2/2019)
Sci-Fi short trilogy: Timmy
Comedy short: Feedback
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Philostrate
Posted: January 28th, 2019, 12:05pm Report to Moderator
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LOL!

I didn't notice until I read the last line.

It'd be a nice idea for the next OWC...


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StevenClark
Posted: January 28th, 2019, 1:42pm Report to Moderator
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Boy, you’re just asking for trouble, Frank!


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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: January 28th, 2019, 2:10pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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I love it!

On a serious note, the orphans themselves are not necessarily the problem.

What is the problem is when a writer doesn't know how, or doesn't  take the time to eliminate them if they can

IN ORDER TO SAVE SPACE ON THE PAGE

Or

To, if possible:

BE MORE SUCCINCT

But...

Just because there's an orphan, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world.

Now let's talk "MORES" & "CONTINUED'S"

Sandra




A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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irish eyes
Posted: January 28th, 2019, 2:58pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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With all those orphans I thought i was reading a scene from Annie


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Warren
Posted: January 28th, 2019, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
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Very good


To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 28th, 2019, 5:43pm Report to Moderator
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Funny


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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FrankM
Posted: January 29th, 2019, 11:20am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Philostrate
LOL!

I didn't notice until I read the last line.

It'd be a nice idea for the next OWC...


This means that you are (in his opinion) a GOOD reviewer.


Family feature: Who Wants to Be a Princess? Latest draft (6/2019)
Horror anthology/feature: Glass House Latest draft (2/2019)
Sci-Fi short trilogy: Timmy
Comedy short: Feedback
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FrankM
Posted: January 29th, 2019, 11:23am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Sandra Elstree.
I love it!

On a serious note, the orphans themselves are not necessarily the problem.


I agree. They've just somehow acquired a cult status here on SS.

Going over my own work, I need to resist the urge to completely mangle my dialogue just to get rid of the occasional orphan.


Family feature: Who Wants to Be a Princess? Latest draft (6/2019)
Horror anthology/feature: Glass House Latest draft (2/2019)
Sci-Fi short trilogy: Timmy
Comedy short: Feedback
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: January 29th, 2019, 8:26pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from FrankM


I agree. They've just somehow acquired a cult status here on SS.

Going over my own work, I need to resist the urge to completely mangle my dialogue just to get rid of the occasional orphan.


You know what?

I've gotten quite good at mangling my dialogue in my recent script. What I'm thinking is...

As long as I can write succinct enough so that the actor can GET IT, I'm doing my job.

They can improvise and bring it to life in a way I know they'll be in their "creative genius" land.

We are walking a tight-wire between explicit dialogue and sub-text...

Such a lovely dance. I adore learning the steps.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: January 30th, 2019, 9:00am Report to Moderator
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You beat me to it lol I was going to submit an entry into the OWC called "Who can love an orphan?" doing just this.

Well played sir


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jayrex
Posted: January 30th, 2019, 10:13am Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Frank, nailed it.

We all want to know if the story is good first and foremost.  If the review is purely on formatting, you’re left still wondering if the story is any good.  Thanks for half a review.  Now where’s the other half?


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Max Ruddock
Posted: January 31st, 2019, 8:59pm Report to Moderator
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It takes as much skill to consistently use them as to avoid them. Good job!

I think that's the best short script that wouldn't work if it was actually made that I've ever read.
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FrankM
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 5:33pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Max, I think.

It is what it is. Always an orphan, never to be “adopted” for the screen.


Family feature: Who Wants to Be a Princess? Latest draft (6/2019)
Horror anthology/feature: Glass House Latest draft (2/2019)
Sci-Fi short trilogy: Timmy
Comedy short: Feedback

Revision History (1 edits)
FrankM  -  February 6th, 2019, 8:40am
Typo
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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Funny stuff!  Well played!


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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