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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    My Work In Progress  ›  One Man's Trash Moderators: bert
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  Author    One Man's Trash  (currently 339 views)
VicBurns
Posted: April 4th, 2019, 6:15am Report to Moderator
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Logline:

'An everyman garbage collector, in love with a wealthy woman who hates him, makes a discovery in her trash that will change their lives forever.'

Goofy romcom.
Feature, 90 pages.

Hey Guys,

Had an option on this piece for a while with a seasoned writer/producer in LA for a while.

He's just got a green light on a pilot of his so is now available to me to shop again.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

Thanks!

Vic.

https://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/ONE_MANS_TRASHnSSn.pdf
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Clark
Posted: April 7th, 2019, 1:30pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Vic,

I like the title first off.

(I’m making notes as I read)

I like Dylan. He just seems easy to get along with, the type you could be yelling at him and he’d be like; ‘I could hear you just as easy over there’. LOL.  I picture Bill Gardell (of Mike and Molly playing him).

I liked the interaction between Dylan, Mrs. Oppenheim and Wendy (especially the Romeo bit).

WENDY
Must you carry on with this ridiculous charade every week?
DYLAN
Just trying to be nice. You should maybe do the same sometime – we might get along.
(that’s why I like Dylan)

WENDY
I have a place in this neighborhood which is to be respected and upheld. To think that I would ever fraternize with the likes of a garbage collector?
(I dislike Wendy LOL)

I like it when Dylan interacts with the fish. He seems more above his station in life. Like he should be a teacher. He would be somebody that would make work a good place to be.

Ernie and Dylan interactions are great.

The women at the bar with Wendy seems so real, I hate Dylan has to be mocked like that.

Pg 13
Should it be you’re (from Dylan)?

.WENDY
Excuse me! You are not my father.
DYLAN
I'm not sure I could handle the overwhelming sense of failure if I were
(damnnnnn!!)

pg17
Dylan ‘good job’ should it be ‘good thing’?

Pg 18
Why does Dylan think of himself as a jerk? He’s been been belittled by Wendy and did finally make a stand.

The fundraiser and the kid with Dylan was funny.


Pg 23

WENDY
(CONT’D)Well at least I've got a foot on the first rung. What is it you do for a living again?
(is this supposed to be Dylan’s line?)

pg 24 Dylan, should it be you’re not your? (I could be wrong on all this).

I’m a little confused about how Wendy knew about Dylan's mom situation and state handouts?

I’m a little surprised at Dylan being so mean attacking Wendy like he did. It’s good in a way, but for him seems a little out of place.  

And Wendy’s response of violins was out of line. She a total B.  

DYLAN
Meanwhile, you were probably sleeping with half of Harvard to 'earn' your degree.
(I’m confused by this line. Should it be Dylan’s? He was this only one mentioned of going to college? If it was his line about her should her college years be brought up?)Either way Dylan seems to be getting a little to mean.(sorry if I’m wrong ADD gets the best of me)

Am I right that Wendy slaps Dylan but Mrs. Oppenheim then goes to the ladies room to compose herself? wouldn’t the one doing the slapping go to restroom? (may be just me).


Pg 25
liked interaction between Wendy and Ben.
(favorite line):
BEN
Charming. I just hope you defrost a little before your heart gets freezer burn and is no good to anybody, not least yourself.

Pg 38 Josh should it be ‘we’re’?

Josh should it be, ‘got enough’?

Pg 39
Wendy ‘bang to rights’?

Dylan seems a little pissy considering it looked like he stole the bag. And when did Wendy hear about Dylan’s aunt?  

Dylan ‘from next week’?

Wendy posting the video is nuts. These two went from her being uppity, to the courts should make them stay away from each other.  

Pg 41
I can’t believe Dylan kept what he found in the trash. (LOL) I think I’m starting to turn on Dylan and after the video I’m sure this won’t end well. But, then again, it was thrown out and hey why not? After the way he’s been done, still bad Dylan LOL.


Pg42.
Concierge I am deputizing in his absence. ?

I’m just throwing this out there I’m hoping the three guys make money when/if Josh sells his software because Dylan gives money so can stay to sell it?  

Pg 50
Would Dylan use a term like ‘ropey’? Being a trash man?

I was a little surprised by Josh getting mad at Dylan and Ernie being at the house, though understandable. I expect being inconsiderate from Ernie, but Dylan seems a little surprising. Then again, a chance to enjoy money didn’t have, I could relate.

I’m not sure why Dyaln and Ernie go to Todd’s house? Seems like they could blow it all somehow. I feel like Dylan is going in a different direction.

Am I right in the disco inferno reference when Ernie says ‘Ern baby Ern?

I was a little surprised after Wendy’s mother and her in a coffee shop working she wanted to hook up with Dylan.

I know Wendy got knocked down but a bigot like her seems odd she would be so open to Dylan now.  

I liked it when Dylan comes clean to Wendy about wha the found.

I liked it overall. I just kinda question how quickly Wendy changed and Dylan seemed to change, but was still a good guy in the end. I don’t know how to put it, but it seemed after I was right about the company it all seemed to change, the feel of it. Like going to Todd’s house, but I liked Dylan came back home and took care of a few people. I guess it’s good, but I just can’t see Wendy and Dylan together. It was well written, I just disliked her that much. (LOL, that’s just me).

Anyway, if you ever get drunk a could give anything of mine a read that’d be great. I know at present I’m to descriptive just any feedback on dialogue and characters would be helpful.
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