Quoted Text I have read everyone's comments so thank you. I do have some questions though.  What is wrong with my formatting?  I honestly don't know. I thought I had everything formatted properly.

None of your scene headings are formatted properly. Some major errors and some minor ones (i.e., using a . rather than a -).  I sent you a link in another post that will hopefully help.

Your dialogue is not formatted properly. You include blank lines between the characters name and the dialogue.

Your phone call dialogue is not formatted correctly - Goggle formatting phone calls in scripts - you'll find several suggestions.

Overall, almost nothing is formatted correctly. So it is a problem if you thought it was. It means you don't know - you need to learn. The good news is that is the easiest part of screenwriting to learn.  Google is your friend along with the advice that you already got here.

Quoted Text Someone wrote to CAP character's when first introduced.  I did, so I don't understand this. Is it possible my script didn't post correctly?

You did not.  You only CAPPED characters with dialogue. Re-read my original response to you. It lists specifically where you missed it.

Quoted Text The opening scene is just to introduce these Chinese men to the reader. The script moves from the past - 1887 - 1895) to the present so these people will continue to appear throughout the script. Is there a better way of doing this?

IMO, yes - you were given several suggestions already.  You didn't seem to care for them. That's cool. If you think you've nailed it the way you want - stick with your guns. Much of writing review is subjective. My subjective opinion is that your scenes are way over-written. If you think they are not - keep them as they are. But what you may consider is that if a half-dozen folks are saying they're over-written - maybe they are.

For example, you go through a page of detail on your Protags living room. IMO, it is more novel like than script like (actually, pretty good for a novel).

But IMO in a script your eye is taking in one shot - we're not going through each piece of furnishing, where it's located, etc. etc. - it's tedious. If you want to convey that the dude is a rich show off, it's crisper to go with something like:

Richly decorated. Priceless modern art works hang on the walls. Top of the line furniture designed more to impress guests rather than provide them comfort fill the room.


That's just my advice. If you think that this:

Quoted Text It is imperative that the reader understand that Daniel is wealthy and likes to flaunt it with his furnishings, clothing etc. He is  obsessed with wealth - hence the two books he has and the description. I don't know how to get this across any clearer.

Is only achieved by the detail you wrote - just keep it - I don't. But it ain't my script.

Quoted Text I guess I am very confused. One person told me to make my slug line longer - to show it was on Vancouver Island etc. and now someone says to make it shorter.  I read that a screen play shouldn't rush into  dialogue and then someone else says to break things up with more dialogue.

I've sent you a link on slug lines. It has all the info you need.

Quoted Text I also read that the use of things like FADE IN are becoming obsolete.   Sorry, but I really don't understand

Yes - that's why I said "traditionally" . Most of the scripts you read will start with FADE IN. No one's going to kill or love you script anymore if it is there or not.

I like FADE IN, and I'm keeping it.

I know I've said it before, but I will again. It puts me in the mood of: this is a movie (well, the script is potentially - let me take you on an adventure.  Takes me back to when Leo the Lion (MGM) roared, the music started, and the titles first appeared on the screen. Popcorn, choc-tops, settling in for an escape from reality.

I hope all the cool conventions of script writing don't disappear.
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Diane, we've all been where you are.

Dave's given some great advice on the mechanics and formatting of screenplays. I hope you'll sit quietly and soak it all in, see that we're not picking on you personally or picking apart your script for the sake of it. We're just giving you some great tips re the readability of your material and how best to bring your story to life sans unnecessary clutter and according to industry standard writing.

You quite obviously have a better than average grasp of the English language so you're ahead of the game in that respect. In the end Story is the essential component, but telling it in an easy to read fluid way is all important.

Don't miss out on what this community of writers can offer you.

* At the very least SS is a terrific hosting site for your scripts, to get your material exposure.
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