SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 4:14am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    My Work In Progress  ›  Batman Beyond - WIP Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Batman Beyond - WIP  (currently 498 views)
MarkVick
Posted: March 16th, 2020, 12:03am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.00
Hello my friends.

I wrote this as a test for myself. Learning experience.

A test in speed and "campfire" story telling. Sort of, like on an unconscious level. I know this universe well. Thought I'd give it stab.

I just want to learn... And the internet is my school.

I'm wondering if I can get people past the first 2 pages? Actually, probably even the 1st, lol.

And if I can't... Where did I lose you? When do you stop? It's lame? Sucks? Pass? Try again?... All good... But why?

Like I said... I just want to learn.

Thank you my friends.

Happy writing. ✌️

BATMAN BEYOND:

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ZodZowyfcBmZ4IVXkf-pJ4jFLe3KueK6
Logged Offline
Private Message
ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: March 16th, 2020, 2:09am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
A helluva long way from LA
Posts
1565
Posts Per Day
0.29

Quoted from MarkVick

I wrote this as a test for myself. Learning experience.


Hmmm. OK, fair enough, but JMHO, posting fan-fiction is like masturbation. Yeah, it may make you feel good for a few moments, but after all's said and done, what have you got?

In all seriousness, aside from typos I'd say: I dig the dialogue. It has a nice flow, and it's not too on the nose.  So props for that.  But it should literally stab you in the heart that I had to reread the first coupla pages to figure out what the heck I'm suppose to be seeing.

That said, maybe tone it down a bit, and I'm the last person to say this.  Methinks my problem with this, and it's not necessarily a problem, but a point of view, is that the writing is taking too much time on the page and what I mean by that is this could be muted just a dash while still keeping with the expression of the writer.  In laywoman's term... this feels more like a writer trying to push the envelope and see what people think of it than a draft someone would hand to... say a producer.  If that makes since.  

Some other nitpicks that I won't get into.  Oh, btw, cool title page.

Anyhoo- I stopped around page seven.  There isn't any reason for me to critique this outside of your reasoning, because it's just that you really can't do anything with this.  Good luck with it.-A  



Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 4
MarkVick
Posted: March 16th, 2020, 2:26am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.00
Thank you my friend.
I appreciate the feedback greatly.
I will revise once the first draft is finished.
Just so i'm clear, so that I can make the appropriate changes. You didn't understand that, the dark figure is in the batmobile? And you dropped off page 7?

Thank you again.
Cheers.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
MarkVick
Posted: March 16th, 2020, 2:31am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.00



because it's just that you really can't do anything with this.




Why?

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 4
MarkVick
Posted: March 16th, 2020, 2:46am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.00



But it should literally stab you in the heart that I had to reread the first coupla pages to figure out what the heck I'm suppose to be seeing.



I understand... It's hard to write... You're not supposed to really know what you're seeing, until near the bottom of the 2nd page... But, I also shouldn't have to explain myself, lol... Sooo, I need to edit.

I'll see what I can do.  Thank you again.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    My Work In Progress  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006