Link to opening hook and act here. It's working title is "AMELIA EARHEART
FEATURES PROMINENTLY IN MY TUMBLR".

Hey, this is something I started as a feature adaptation of my short All Good.

Semi-autobiographical, my aim is a meandering first act that leads to the teenaged main character ditching everything to follow his older lover interest on a road trip across the country rather than go college and do what he is "supposed to", only to realise that you can't escape your own personality.

I know I do this a lot, but because I started this hook and act like a year ago I like fresh eyes on it

It's about 25 pages so far and I'd love to exchange it for someone else's work to critique. You can leave in-line comments in this version.

Okay - gave this a read. I kind of dug it.  The writing was solid. A real good vibe to it. Crisp and clean.

There may be too many moving parts - hard to tell based off 25 pages - but there are a lot of characters and interactions to keep track of - if this is going to end up in a road trip - not sure how much you should mine in the other B stories and IMO - by page 25 - he needs to be on the road already.

I'd lose Jordan at the Doc's - you don;t need it and it just seemed weird to me that these two would not have previously shared this info.

Struck me as though this line:

Quoted Text SAM Like, multiple cats?

Should have been

SAM
Like, talented cats?

You need a better line here

Quoted Text SAM Oh. OK. Bye.

Didn;t care for the Gerald/Sam BJ scene - it seems to lead nowhere - it was a derailment for me and lessened the empathy I had for him in his plight with Jordan

Overall - good work IMO

Thanks so much Dave!

I agree for sure re Gerald BJ scene - I have no idea what I had planned with that subplot but its wildly out of context here.

Quoted from AlsoBen Thanks so much Dave! I agree for sure re Gerald BJ scene - I have no idea what I had planned with that subplot but its wildly out of context here.

My pleasure