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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    My Work In Progress  ›  Brave Spirit -wip Moderators: bert
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  Author    Brave Spirit -wip  (currently 303 views)
Ronen
Posted: May 25th, 2021, 11:36am Report to Moderator
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Title: Brave Spirit

Logline: Jim is a mentally ill novice writer living in poverty in L.A, seeking compassion and kindness in a tough poor neighborhood.

Genre: Drama

format: Short

looking for any kind of feedback also suggestions and ideas on how to continue it.

willing to trade feedback.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/14RbPpMLq7jYCvMQoCIEGv5n4kL-HQAA0/view?usp=sharing

Ronen
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Robert Timsah
Posted: May 25th, 2021, 12:42pm Report to Moderator
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Story Is Structure

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Hey Ronen. I liked the structure. It reads easy and gave me a sense of Jim, his world, how people see and mock him, which evokes sympathy. I could see us writers really rooting for Jim. Curious to see where it goes.

Scene 4. load \ loud. A few grammar/typos but early on I don’t obsess over those.

Seems like the story has a few options. Jim breaks down and turns bad (war). Jim stays the course and finds friendship or something more (Lisa). He gives up.


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Ronen
Posted: May 26th, 2021, 12:18pm Report to Moderator
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hi robert

thank you for taking the time to read and replay if you have something you wish others to give feedback I'll be happy to take a look at it.

once again thank you

ronen
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Robert Timsah
Posted: May 26th, 2021, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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Story Is Structure

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Quoted from Ronen
hi robert

thank you for taking the time to read and replay if you have something you wish others to give feedback I'll be happy to take a look at it.

once again thank you

ronen


No, problem.  This one was fun - https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-shortcomedy/m-1619975029/


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