Character descriptions: Biggest tip I can give you is describe your character in the midst of action, e.g., while doing something and saying something that will also give us an indication about character.
A lot of these character descriptions below are too long for a Short, but they're well worth checking out.
https://thescriptlab.com/blogs/15648-best-character-descriptions-screenplays/And this:
https://www.scriptreaderpro.com/character-description-examples/At the moment we have no idea how old your characters are or what they look like. We can only guess through dialogue that they're early to mid-twenties?
EXT. OUTSIDE OF HOUSE
Should be : EXT. HOUSE - DAY or NIGHT
Get rid of the scene numbers.They're not needed in a Spec Short.
Proofread to correct your typos of which there are a lot - you have some weird spaces between commas, and no spaces between some periods,
the door's stuck is missing an apostrophe,
Shan'es apostrophe is misplaced, jimmied not jimmyied,
your my mate should be you're my mate, (contraction of you are).
There are you happy now needs correct punctuation. There. Are you happy now? Etcetera...
Story:
You need to ramp up the suspense or at least intrigue, given this is labelled a psychological thriller, (which btw you would not normally write underneath your title) but I take it you did that to guide the reader. Your story should do that on its own however.
At the moment your dialogue is meandering - the guys appear to enjoy shooting the breeze a bit with some mild debate and then one of them gorges biscuits.
I need the threat articulated more. Is this an Escape Room? Okay, it appears to be An 'Honesty Experience Room' - okay, that's a cool idea. Kinda like the spooky version of Monty Python's Argument room.
I liked the Suited Man's comments regarding it usually being for couples. Maybe you should rewrite it with a couple airing theIf dirty laundry or secrets - this place forces candour, is that right?
One character alludes to the fact the place might be scary. At the moment it needs to be expressed more in vibe and the sequence of events, rather than just telling us it's scary. Pay attention to little details - instead of the door closing, perhaps it slams behind them. But then one of them jimmies it open easily so they're not actually being held there are they, or stuck/imprisoned?
Who is Mr Harrington?
You need relevance to that repeated reference.
How does a corridor look
lived in but recently vacant? Do you mean
vacated?
Shane's Voice Over? I think you might mean he speaks O.S.?
Shane and Keon are sat opposite.Should read: Shane and Keon sit opposite each other. If you want to imply one of them has one foot out the door and one is entirely relaxed you need to describe that a bit more e.g. Shane with his feet up on the table is great. Maybe Keon can't stop his leg jiggling up and down because of nerves, or maybe he sweats a lot.?
Overall with a little tweaking your dialogue is not bad in that it's pretty easy on the ear, but as far as escalating plot it just came across as very safe to me and a bit mundane There doesn't appear to be any dramatic denouement.
You're downplaying your premise imho, and it doesn't quite deliver.
What are the stakes for these characters? Are they in imminent danger?
Is the Suited Man ever a threat? What's the purpose of this place?
I think you might be falling into the trap (all of us have done this at some point) of half the story being in your head and not making it onto the page.
I hope this feedback is constructive for you.
Write another draft for sure. Give us more of everything.