SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 5:18am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Journey Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
Googlebot and 4 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Journey  (currently 4747 views)
Don
Posted: May 15th, 2005, 11:23am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Journey - Chapter One by R.E. Freak - Horror - A pandemic, unlike anything seen before. Millions dead within the first hours of the outbreak. As the world governments join together to try and stop the spread, they are faced with a new threat: the dead aren't staying dead. Now, in a small town in the middle of the American Midwest, a group of survivors must try and remain alive despite the odds. Facing off against a seemingly endless army of undead, they come to realize that they are being watched. And their enemies are learning. - pdf, format

Journey - Chapter Two by R.E. Freak - Horror - A wandering trio, their goal an isolated mountain cabin. A group of nomadic outcasts, living out of a pair of scavenged military Humvees. They are brought together, only to find themselves at the mercy of a rogue military general and his splinter faction. Intent on finding a solution for the pandemic, he has all but gone insane, subjecting his prisoners to tortuous ‘experiments’ while maintaining a massive military outpost constructed on an abandoned highway. Meanwhile, the cabin faces a growing threat from the surrounding forest, as the number of attacks on scouting parties increase. But when a wounded survivor returns with word that ‘they’ are not all dead, the refugees are faced with the question: who? - pdf, format

Journey - Chapter Three by R.E. Freak - Horror - Time is running out for both sides. The dwindling number of surviving prisoners, constantly subjected to insane ‘experiments’ by rogue General Winters, are faced with the fact that they may not survive much longer if they don’t make a drastic move. However, Winters and his men are the least of their problems, as the undead reveal just how smart they have become. Meanwhile, the refugees holed up in the isolated mountain cabin face a very real threat of an attack by the undead, who seem to have managed to track them down. As they prepare to defend their position they find themselves confronted by a chain of events that set in motion the endgame. A man thought to be dead returns to fight; a stranger who is very much alive is captured and reveals there may be more to the undead than meets the eye; and a mysterious wanderer emerges from the forest, offering his help in the coming fight. - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
chism
Posted: May 19th, 2005, 6:01am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
Well I suppose this will be the last time you post any of these things on here, unless you're planning Journey Chapter 4, but I doubt it.

Anyway, I have enjoyed reading these things over the last year or so and I will be sad to see it all finally end. But I'm also looking forward to see what you do with the characters and the story.

Cheers, Chism.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 24
R.E._Freak
Posted: May 19th, 2005, 11:33am Report to Moderator
Guest User



I've already finished a second draft of part 3 that is 184 pages (making it the shortest of the series, which I didn't think it would be) and it will probably remain about that long, as I don't have much more to do with it. The biggest changes are to the third act, involving Winters and Lynch's motivation for what they do.

And no, no fourth chapter. It has ended, I'm glad and sad at the same time. The amount of time I spent on this trilogy, and it's finally finished. Once I finish the last batch of rewrites, the trilogy will be moved to that file on my computer where my finished scripts go.

But now that it's finished, I can actually commit full time to my other projects that have been languishing on my digital shelves. Every time I started writing something else I would come back to these and pick at them, which stalled me out on everything else. Something gave me the kick I needed to finish this trilogy, and I've already begun work (serious work) on another project.

Yin and yang.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 2 - 24
chism
Posted: May 19th, 2005, 10:54pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
Wow. I understand the whole sad and glad thing. I mean working on something for that long, you must have grown some sort of emotional attachment to it. But on the other hand, working on something for that long must have been a total pain in the ass in terms of just not being able to get what you would like out of it for so long.

I'm glad you're doing additional work, although I haven't read these ones yet, but there is always room for improvement (just ask Geroge Lucas regarding the changes to the OT! Damn Greedo shooting first).

It must be great to actually have a special folder on your computer for completed things. I have one too, but it is unfortunately almost empty as I never really get around to finishing anything I start, mainly because I always get distracted by another idea I have and start working on that.

Well, so far I don't think I've read a single one of your completed scripts that I haven't enjoyed, although I haven't read anything. This is a great trilogy and I would try especially hard to get them produced because I think this is one of those things that an audience would jsut go nuts over.

I'm looking forward to reading your next serious project, as well as rewrites of this and Je Suis Le Mort Reincarne. I think that's how you say it. But I'm not French and I don't speak it either.

Cheers, Chism.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 24
chism
Posted: May 20th, 2005, 6:04am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
Okay, I've just finished reading "Journey - Chapter One" and here's my full review.

Basically, well done. Out of all the dozens of scripts on this site that I've read, this is the one I like the most. That is no small feat, as I do like almost everything I read, even if it's mostly crusty. But that does not mean that this is the perfect script at all, not by far.

There are a few problems, which I am going to point out. Although they're mostly things that I didn't like, as opposed to story holes, there are a few errors in the writing. For instance, the opening scene when Jack places a gun to his head and he pulls the trigger. When he finds it empty he goes off and starts mucking around with the generator and then loads up some more ammo. Why? Wouldn't he try and find another way to kill himself? And you're opening statement, of "the spinning thing slowly turning" or something along those lines has always bugged from the beginning. After doing some research, I dug up that the "spinning thing" is called a carousel (check the spelling on that one). Just though you'd like to know, for future reference.

Another problem I had with the script is the character of Jessie. She does become an important character in the end, but for the most part she doesn't do anything. She is either eye candy for the other guys, or sits there sobbing and crying. Now I am all for there being a woman in these kinds of things and she does break away from the horror cliche of the dumb broad who's there for improper nudity and sex. But either have her shooting some things more often or get rid of her.

Those are probably the only little things I have with the script. This is one of the best horror films I have ever "seen". You have a real talent for breaking away from the horror norm and having something that's entertaining, emotional and in most places, very realistic. Although if this film was made, it wouldn't scare me too often, I have to say that it's a damn sight better than most of the horrors from the Hollywood Factory, or at least the ones going around at the moment (e.g. House of Wax, the Amityville Horror or the Ring Two).

I like this, and I certainly like my gore. There is nothing like seeing faces being peeled off or guts being blown everywhere by big guns. And this certainly has plenty of those things. Although I haven't read this version of Chapter Two, I will be doing so tonight and tomorrow, and I will post my review of it when I'm done. All in all, George A Romero would be pleased.

Cheers, Chism.

Revision History (1 edits)
chism  -  May 20th, 2005, 6:10am
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 24
R.E._Freak
Posted: May 20th, 2005, 11:26am Report to Moderator
Guest User



To be honest, Jessie is there for a reason but I've never really been sure what that reason is. I can't picture the script without having her wandering around, but as of yet she doesn't really have that set purpose. Maybe one day I'll have an epiphany and her role will make perfect sense, but until then, she's sort of a background main character.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 5 - 24
chism
Posted: May 20th, 2005, 7:51pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
Now that I've read the script, do you mind telling me if you've ever pictured anyone playing your roles. I know when I write, I just layout the character in my head and I don't usually take it any further than that.

Sometimes it's just nice to sort of picture your dream cast saying your lines, performing your action, etc. So when you wrote the trilogy, did you have any actors in mind as you wrote the characters?
Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 24
R.E._Freak
Posted: May 20th, 2005, 8:18pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I always had a basic mental picture of each character, but I never actually matched that image to actors. If I sat down and really thought about it I could put together a wish list of people I would like (Ed Lauter as Winters, anyone?) but I've never really thought about it.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 7 - 24
the goose
Posted: May 21st, 2005, 2:34pm Report to Moderator
New


Yippie-kay-ay.

Location
London
Posts
297
Posts Per Day
0.04
Read the whole thing today and it's good. Are you perhaps going for a fourth film where the survivors try to make it to the island?  Anyway it was good to see that my main man Filla (hopefully I'm still playing him) got out okay.

Are we to take it that only Frank and Kelly go onto the island?

Also who was this dead guy who was supposed to come out of the forest? I saw no one who was dead but then rose again . No seriously, who was he?

Also what was it with MCBRIDE he was mentioned in the synopsis but got a very small part. At first I thought he was an angel or something...Shame Freidrich and Porter had to go though.

Anyway good work and I can't wait till it's made - do you still want to be West?



"We don't make movies for critics, since they don't pay to see them anyhow."

-- Charles Bronson.

Revision History (1 edits)
the goose  -  May 21st, 2005, 2:36pm
Even the best make mistakes.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 24
R.E._Freak
Posted: May 21st, 2005, 6:22pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from the goose
Are you perhaps going for a fourth film where the survivors try to make it to the island?

Nope, it's officially over.


Quoted Text
Are we to take it that only Frank and Kelly go onto the island?

You can if you want.


Quoted Text
Also who was this dead guy who was supposed to come out of the forest? I saw no one who was dead but then rose again . No seriously, who was he?

I sort of meant that to be Frank, though to be honest I could have written it better.


Quoted Text
Also what was it with MCBRIDE he was mentioned in the synopsis but got a very small part. At first I thought he was an angel or something.

Maybe.  
Logged
e-mail Reply: 9 - 24
chism
Posted: May 23rd, 2005, 1:07am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
Okay I've just finished reading Journey - Chapter Two (took me a little longer than I would have liked, but thems the breaks). So here's my review.

This script was simply fantastic! The characters were more involved, the action was greater and you really advanced the story in an interesting, exciting and logical way. The problem with sequels these days is that they abandon all sense of character for grander action sequences and more visual effects. Although the action was greater in Chapter Two, the characters were also greater and thus made the action more exciting to read.

A big improvement on the first one, I noticed, was the dialogue. I felt that, in Chapter One, some of it was a little laboured and other parts were just plain old corny. The conversation that I liked the best was the one where the commondos and Jack are discussing guns and then the topic of God enters the conversation. When I started reading it, I though to myself "what the F**K has this guy done! This is gonna be bad)" But as I read on, I became more intriuged by the concept of a gun being like the power of God. This I though was a highlight of the screenplay. The other conversation that was interesting and entertaining was the exchange between Winters and Friedrich when they're discussing the sounds and sighs of war. And the meaning of a gunshot... the meaning of death, was absolutely inspired storytelling. Again, it all goes back to God. A truely moving conversation. Masterful writing.

With regards to returning to the town in Chapter One, I wish you had spent a little more time with their arrival. It would have been nice for there to be an extended piece where Jack sees the school. Basically, he sees it and they have maybe one or two lines exchange before the zombies attack. The nastalgic feeling was there, but there wasn't enough. But I suppose you have to keep the story going and the script is very long so sacrifices have to be made. That's one thing I've been meaning to ask, how do you edit? usually when I edit something, I don't even go over it for spelling mistakes, let alone changing something. Do you edit scenes, change things and take stuff out when you're done?

Intercutting with the events taking place in the cabin I though was an interesting way to keep the story going. Chapter One was rather linear in its storytelling and the intercutting of events seemed to make the second Chapter go faster. Usually I became very frustrated because you'd leave Jack's story on a cliffhanger, but its all part of the game.

Another thing I liked about Chapter Two was the story about humans being each other's enemies, both the metophorical sense and the literal sense. The roaming bands of human vigilanties really got me fired up about reading the rest of the script and seeing where the story goes. Most of the things in Chapter Two are improvements (although I was disappointed at not seeing a bunch of zombies chasing dodgeballs down the street).

Just noting on one of the characters, Jessie has become my favourite. Although she again doesn't have a whole lot to do, I was glad to see she had that scene with Jack by the fire. It's good that you're advancing the romance between them as they had limited scenes in Chapter One and I'm looking forward to finding out what happens between them in Chapter Three.

Movies today are, let's face it, getting worse. There are a few jems among the loads of krud that we're forcefed as movie goers, but just not enough of them. The brainless action/adventure visual effects peiod has just settled in Hollywood and its not going away anytime soon. The one problem in this is, there hasn't been a memorable villain in a real long time. With the preimer of Episode III, Darth Vader has returned, but not in true fashion. The good time villains of the earlier James Bond movies are all but gone. General Winters is the return of this classic villain, evil and mythodical, but doing what he feels is right. He is a masterfully devised character and a hell of a lot of fun to read, mainly because you never know what he is going to be doing next. Congratulations.

Your conclusion is really very emotional. With Jack's naration you really feel the weight of what's going on. But at the same time, it does give way to the sense that this whole thing has only just begun...

Cheers, Chism.

Revision History (1 edits)
chism  -  May 23rd, 2005, 3:19am
Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 24
R.E._Freak
Posted: May 23rd, 2005, 11:54am Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted Text
That's one thing I've been meaning to ask, how do you edit? usually when I edit something, I don't even go over it for spelling mistakes, let alone changing something. Do you edit scenes, change things and take stuff out when you're done?

I always write a first draft, then basically throw off the gloves and go at it like I would Uwe Boll. No mercy! I cut things, rewrite things, and do all manner of rearranging. Usually some of the longer conversations are added and tweaked in following drafts, as I get the action and story set in the first draft then flesh it out working from that skeleton. I'm constantly editing my scripts.

Though once I finish with a draft of chapter three I'm happy with, I will stop editing and just let these three scripts do their own thing for a while. Go see a movie, throw rocks at Uwe Boll. You know, let them live a little.

I will say this: you may find the current draft of Part Three a bit disappointing, as some characters I didn't flesh out as much as I would have liked. I have added some details as to Winter's motivation, and will be bringing about a conclusion to the connection between Jack and Jessie. If you haven't already begun reading, I would suggest putting it off for a little while until I send in the next, much improved draft.

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
chism  -  May 23rd, 2005, 11:56am
Did you know my Y button sticks?
Logged
e-mail Reply: 11 - 24
chism
Posted: May 24th, 2005, 3:28am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
LOL

I like the Uwe Boll refernce. I'm sure there are a lot of zombie movie fans out there who would like to rip into him, me included. Too bad he's already screwed up the adaption of BloodRayne by agreeing to direct it.

Unfortunately I haven't had a chance to read Journey - Chapter Three yet. But since you have suggested I wait then I will. Although it will frustrate me beyond beliefe waiting for your next draft, it will increase the power of the cliffhangers you ended Chapter Two on. Hopefully that'll be in soon.

I was watching an episode of the Simpsons (as I regularly do) yesterday and I realised that there might be a rol for Leonard Nemoy in there. Just consider it. He may make quite the Filla. No I'm kidding. Or am I...?  

Cheers, Chism.

Revision History (1 edits)
chism  -  May 24th, 2005, 3:29am
I Have No Sense of Humour
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 24
R.E._Freak
Posted: May 24th, 2005, 11:33am Report to Moderator
Guest User



I have finished the bulk of the changes, so I should have it finished and sent to Don in a week or two. Until then, enjoy Journey as acted out by the Enterprize crew:

Spock: Hmm. The undead appear to be learning at an exponential rate, Captain.

Kirk: My... God.... My good man Spock! We must call..... NINE!.....one one...tonight on Fox. FULL!... powerMrScott!

Scotty: Ach!

Zulu: Aha...hahaha....ha.

Chekov: Enemy zhwombiez approchink ze sheep captin.

...it could work.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 13 - 24
Antemasque
Posted: May 24th, 2005, 12:23pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


the ocean floor is hidden from your viewing lens

Location
Baltimore, MD
Posts
558
Posts Per Day
0.08
I will definitly read this once the new version is up.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 14 - 24
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Horror Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006