House of Curse by Daniel Robinson - Thriller -  Four guys stand in front of an old abandoned house discussing whether or not it is haunted. They all decide to spend the night in the house.  - pdf, format

Hey, this sounds familiar.  Is this a rewrite of "Summoning"?

Yes this is the rewrite of the "Summoning". I went through it and fixed it up. Let me know what you think of this one.
Dan

Good story with an interesting twist.  I do think you should have stuck with the title "Summoning" because that one is way more catchier and I don't think I have heard that name on a movie before so it would make your movie script unique.

Thumbs Up,
Michelle Ogborn
Screen Writer/Artist/Creator of Many Things

When I read the description for "House of Curse", the first thing I thought was if it was going to be different to every others supernatural thriller set in a house (House On Haunted Hill, Thirteen Ghosts, Amityville Horror). Yours was different, but not in a good way.

The story takes too long to build up. The two halfs of the script have almost nothing to do with each other.

The news crew?? What the hell??? Why would a news crew be interested in reporting on 4 kids staying in a house that somebody was apparently killed in 50 years ago??
"After our report on these four kids staying in the creepy house, we'll go to our man on the scene, reporting about how the grass at the park has grown an amazing 1 1/2 inches. Oh my God!!!"

After Tony has beaten up that guy in the nightclub, he says "I beat him up, and kicked him in the head". This sentance could be shortened, because nobody in real life would say that. "I kicked the shit outta him" would fit better.

Many of your characters sentances are like "This will" or "Could have", when people usually just say "They'll" or "Could've". Look into this.

Why is the priests body in the basement?? Obviously cops would investigate this. They would most likely have found the body, unless it's kept somewhere else most of the time.

The sub-plot of having Tony & that guy be brothers is unnecessary. It's only mentioned three or four times in the script, and doesn't end up working out.

Many of your characters talk to themselves, on more than one occasion.

Tony's attempt at out-smarting the club guy is totally unreal. "Don't go into the basement". "OK, I will". Just didn't work.

I think if there was an award for most endings in a single movie, yours would win definately. It has about 20 endings, which beats Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King.


The idea of a haunted house has been done to death. It's a tired genre. I think with work, this could be a lot better, but it will still remain A Haunted House movie.


THECHILLMAN - Out.

I'm debating on whether or not to read this one...lol...is the story about just the guys going into the house or are their girls too...I don't think a horror/thriller film is complete unless you have that one chick fighting her way to the end...lol.

Oh dear.

Looking4ascript the ending with the "one chick" is boring, films like that always are - im not being sexist just being originalist.

I read this today and well, what can I say?

My main emotion of reading this was confusion. There is very little actual action so we are left to guess who is who as no character is properly described or introduced.  The bit with Jeff running his mouth is pathetic, fully grown adults don't  do that. And Tom suddenly pulls a gun out on Jimmy? What is he a gangster? Actually who is he? I don't have a clue and I've read the whole thing - what does he do for a living? how does he know the other three? What is his purpose on the planet?

And other unanswered questions: how does the old lady know the priest when he was alive in the 1600s? Was Tom dreaming in that jumbled scene? Why was Darren sitting on the steps of the house while everyone else was at home? What happened to Stan and Darren? OOOOOOOh and the list just goes on and on and on and on and on..........

Sorry for the late reply back.

This was one of my first scripts, I wanted to thank everyone for reading and critiqueing my work.
Dan