Hello, Mr. Einstein by Helio J Cordeiro - Short - There is zone that we all fighting do not get in. - pdf, format

I sort of enjoyed this. Knowing that you live in the UK, I couldn't help but thinking of Red Dwarf, which I happen to really like (I have all the episodes on tape). Very creative! I like stories where your mind is being screwed with and anything can happen.

I think you write pretty well too. It almost seem as if Helio here at the SS board and Helio the writer are two different people. I read "Oporto's Bride" too, but I never had the time to write down my comments and now it's been a while, but I remeber that I appreciated the story itself.

Keep at it, it may take you places.

Helio,

A fun read as always and very creative too. Whenever I read your stuff I always expect a few surpises and this one certainly got me thinking.

Some of the dialogue could use a polish but overall it's pretty good. I was a bit confused when the bartender's name changed to Stanley because I thought it was another customer at first. You could just call him Stanley from the start because we learn his name eventually.

I really liked the scene at the train station and the ending was a great touch to round it all off.

Overall, a fun read.

EDIT: Your logline makes no sense. It didn't put me off reading but for others it might.

I laughed at the Stephen Hawkings joke but some might be offended

After seeing you plug this new short in about every post(hey, it must have worked), I decided to take a read.  Pretty good overall.  I really liked your writing, especially the subject matter.  I have had in the back of my mind for a while the inkling to write a story about other dimensions.  Seems that you've done it first, however.

Like its been said before, some of the dialouge in the bar is kinda confusing and jumps around a lot.  Also the bit about the bartender/stanley.  You switch back and forth from calling him bartender to calling him stanley.  Pick one name and stick with it.

I do have to say that your English is much much better.  Every short of yours I read, the grammer is clearer and clearer.  It really shows how much time you have spent working on it.  Good job.  

Agreeing with everyone else, this was a great read.

I, too, got confused with the Stanley/Bartender thing and my mind was jumping back and forth to finally find out who was talking, but I'm not saying this to bring you down or anything.

Whoa, ha, a lot is happening on the last three pages. I was reading fast and trying to catch in every single detail to picture it in my mind.

It is a great script, though!

Sean

Hey guys, thanks a lot for your comments. I’ll fix all the problems in it as soon as I can!

Sorry, didn’t answer all comments one by one, because I'm so confused in the middle of lot of bottles of tequila (and sake)  celebrating (with some Geishas!) my performance in The Great Brain Robbery.

Helio,

This was a pretty good little short, but I'll have to agree with the others regarding the Stanley/Bartender and Chris/Customer back and forths, since it made things alittle confusing.

Those last few pages had a tremendous amount of description, but nothing that was hard to follow, since you broke it up pretty well.

The premise here is good, but I didn't understand why the switch at the end seemed to be so large when the other ones seemed like a few minutes.

Thanks Mike I appreciated your comments, but I'm sorry I didn't understand what did mean with "...why the switch at the end seemed to be so large when the other ones seemed like a few minutes."

Could you explain better? Sometimes, my English goes to the alter space and delay to return to Earth!

cheers
Helio

No problem.

To me, the first few shifts in the train station seemed like they only went back in time a few minutes.

It's 10 o'clock.  He sees himself on the train.  It's 10 o'clock again.  Seemd like only a few minutes passed.

The last one was him as an old man, which would make for a pretty big jump into the future.

I can see why you would do it this way, since him as an old man is more horrific, but I thought there should have been a little more randomness in the jumps.  Like have him as a small child or something too.  

Hopefully I explained things a little better.

I tried to use a type of time barrier in order to stop the time, but I think it wasn't work at all, but something happened becuase Chris traveled in the time when he appears old. Maybe that point in the train station doesn't works too.

same has the others say : the stanley/bartender also lost me a little.

But appart from that I liked it, it was twisted and interessting, and it made me go a little loss with all the time splits! but it was good!

has always good work helio.