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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Western Scripts  ›  The Great Brain Robbery Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Great Brain Robbery  (currently 7741 views)
Don
Posted: January 21st, 2006, 6:36pm Report to Moderator
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The Great Brain Robbery by Martin Lancaster - Short, Western - While all around him are losing their heads, Helio 'Hound Dog' Cordeiro must sober up and unravel the mystery of The Great Brain Robbery.  Apologies to everyone involved. Two birds, one stone and all that. - Entry for the January '06 One Week Writing Exercise Thing - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  January 28th, 2006, 12:05pm
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greg
Posted: January 21st, 2006, 8:48pm Report to Moderator
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Well, from the start of the opening pages I knew who wrote this.  The style is very distinct and, above all else, this writer left him or herself out of the bunch.  Ha!  You can't fool me!

SPOILERS WITHIN

Now, onto the story.  I think this kind of reminds me of "Shanghai Noon," because it takes the western genre and mixes in a bunch of present day things.  It was a very pleasant read.

I like these nicknames.  Honkey Tonk, Hoedown, Hound Dog, but I think the best one was Bird Man here.  Man, that guy was wild!  I think his funniest sequence came when his head rolled along the floor and then Breanne stabbed it.  Hahaha.  The story's hero, Helio, I felt was accurately portrayed.  He had that kind of goofy innocence about him and the dialogue was top notch.

Page 5: Nice touch with the things we can't see.  

Page 7: Ya know, the whole thing was accurately portrayed as an old west flick from what I can tell, so I kinda thought the Jack Black description was out of line.  Maybe you could have made him Tyler "Black Jack" Higgs.  Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk I crack myself up.

Page 10: "Pucker up, buttercup." Nice!  And man, you really took advantage of Shelton's disposable hero thing.  He lasted about 2 seconds!

Page 15: "No fucking move!" Hahahaha.  All in good fun, of course.

Page 16: Breanne's the killer, eh?  Wow.  I'm surprised she didn't murder me in the saloon!

Page 17: I was kind of confused here.  Don  kills Breanne cause she didn't follow the rules, that part's humorous, but what I didn't get was the rule she broke.  It's something bizarre I know, but I missed that general part.

Sixteen submissions and I bet ten of them have this Tanuki thing in it.  *sigh*

Overall, a very enjoyable read.  I like how you took elements from several screenplays and even involved some actual text from posts.  The "fruit" speech that Helio makes I believe was from a thread.  So yes, a very nice read!  Well done!






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Don
Posted: January 21st, 2006, 8:55pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from greg
Don  kills Breanne cause she didn't follow the rules, that part's humorous, but what I didn't get was the rule she broke.


This may be an allusion to the emails I get when I ban someone.  "What I do?  You banned me for no reason."  

{later}
Just finished the rest of the script.  I enjoyed it.  Excellent eye for the subtleties of the goings ons on the site.  

Don


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

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Don  -  January 21st, 2006, 11:30pm
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bert
Posted: January 21st, 2006, 11:08pm Report to Moderator
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I think that I think this is who Greg thinks it is.  Some guy who thinks one of the main items stocked by a general store is cigars.  I love it!  I love all of them, actually.

(SPOILERS)

*  Glad to see I made the cut haha.
*  "Sorry", the author says.  See how you can play with the conventions of a script?  Just because I am the "reader", I don't see why that doesn't mean you can't put in little jokes just for me.  (Later, the same thing with the rules.  Excellent.)
*  Reading this, I finally figured out who Helio reminds me of.  You ever see "Being There", with Peter Sellers?  He's that guy.
*  Grammer note:  I don't think you can "sleek" into a room.  That's an adjective.  I was going to blow this off, but then you used it twice.  Maybe you mean slink?
*  I thought I recognized a few things, and then Don found the trunk, and I was like, "Oh...hell, yeah."  Be assured that the authors who recognize themselves will feel supremely complimented.

At first, I was a little concerned that George and I had spoiled this kind of stuff for everybody, and I think I enjoy these even a little more for just that reason -- as people continue to churn out stand-alone stuff that is really hilarious and truly unique.  Good job Mr. "Mystery Author".


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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George Willson
Posted: January 21st, 2006, 11:30pm Report to Moderator
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Oh man, I loved this! This one is an absolute goldmine of parody stuff. Obviously, this mystery author has a supreme understanding of the board and those on it.

I love how the action paragraphs were actually incorporated into the story. You know, sometimes we grump about these things, but it was never better used than here.

Love Dogglebe's breaking the fourth wall comment. Priceless. Also when it happened later...you'll know when it is....when the trunk opens?

And the ending! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Couldn't stop myself for quite a while, and I'm still wiping away the occasional tear thinking about it.

Beautiful. Worthy to be placed alongside the now nearly incomparable SimplyNoir.


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Shelton
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 1:17am Report to Moderator
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I laughed my tanuki off at this, even if it did contain one huge flaw, as I am SOOOOOO skilled in the art of anti-ninja combat.

As far as guessing who it is, I won't come right out and say, but I think you are of the female persuasion.


Good Job!


Shelton's Website

Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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George Willson
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 2:25am Report to Moderator
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I just came in to read the comments since mine, and just the thought of the ending made me laugh again. Talk about staying power!


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CindyLKeller
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 2:56am Report to Moderator
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I thought I knew who wrote this, but after reading the replies, now I definately know who wrote this, and it all makes sense that this is the only person who could have wrote this, but I'm not telling.  

SPOILERS WITHIN

This script was so well formatted that it just flowed ever so gently from one scene to the next and was a joy to read.

Whoever wrote this   has a knack for writing snappy dialogue AND good descriptions.

I liked the blending of the old west with elements from the future. The ninja was a nice addition, too, but that scene in the back room... well, that scene creeped me out.
It was a good scene, a really good scene, but now I fear that one night soon I will be dreaming about this. Good for you, bad for me.  Oh well...


MAJOR SPOILERS SCROLL BACK NOW







Don was a bad guy, huh... Wow. I never saw that coming. And Breanne, too... Well, hey she is very original, the founder of Breanism and all, hmmm.  

It was, like I said earlier, a joy to read. Loved the story, and the characters, too.  
Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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Helio
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 11:17am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Well done!  Clever and clean screenwriting about the SS team in the old west enviromment.

OH MY! It picked me up! I didn't resite and got emotional...

Thanks to whatever you are to include Helio in your story ...
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James McClung
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 11:52am Report to Moderator
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Yet another SS script and I have yet to be disappointed.

Loved the use of script names in dialogue. I think I've heard Wesley say "life is a neverending drama"; perhaps he says it all the time.

SPOILER: And when Don showed up at the end, I knew it was all over... until the Tanuki showed up, that is.

I thought the head chopping ninja might've been a little out of place but, hey, I'm not complaining.

Yet again, a very enjoyable read.


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Helio
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 11:57am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Just in time: It was the best script merchandise that someone had ever!

Quated from Helio

"Thanks to whatever you are to include Helio in your story ..."


Instead WHATEVER read WHOEVER
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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
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Great job, I think my favorite parts were with mike shelton and dogglebe (we can't possibly see any of that!)Anywayh, you did well with the western theme, and it was a hilarious script overall.

Oh, and by the way, I think I'm the only one who has no idea who you are.


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Kevan
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 9:56pm Report to Moderator
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I don't know who you are either but I have a good idea..

You people are nutz on these boards, you really are!!!

Not only do you guys parody yourselves but your all screenplay characters to boot..

Think I'm loosing my marbles.. Hehe..

I gotta say this idea about writing a screenplay short based upon a given theme is a really good idea and with a time limit of a week - it's real gem.

This script has got to have some of the most amusing stuff I've read about you gang on these boards and to say I laughed on more than two or three occasions would be an understatement. Not only did I not care about what I should about screenwriting,  I just concentrated on the unfolding story, forget everything else,  and I loved every minute of it. So much so that I nearly wet myself!

The scene where Breanne gets up on stage and say’s she’s gonna play a song called ‘Devil in D Minor’ – well, piddle my pants, I lost it at that point!

Wesley, hehe, they’ve got it in for you, dude.. I’m sure they love you really..

Don, at least they cast you as the Sherrif..

Instant screenplays from heads in jars – the very thought..

Utter lunacy, Mel Brooks hasn’t got anything on this stuff!

Well done, you crazy fool you..
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Don
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 11:01pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Kevan
You people are nutz on these boards, you really are!!!

Not only do you guys parody yourselves but your all screenplay characters to boot..


Kevan,

Welcome to the nut house.  At 5 posts a day (yes, we check stats) you are not only a loon, but a certified loon).

We are freaks about spelling, tho (I'm losing my marbles, not loosing my marbles).  

You hit the boards at a parody moment.  Glad to have you and your insight.

Don
  


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  January 23rd, 2006, 11:26pm
typos, two of 'em 'your', not 'you' and 'marbles' not 'marbles'
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Nixon
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 11:38pm Report to Moderator
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Simply excellent. Great dialogue and descriptions.

The author of this particular western has a great understanding of the SS board members, which is remarkable considering all you have to go on is text and a few photos of these crazy people.

Great job.

-Zavier


Though earth and man are gone, I thought the cube would last forever.
I WAS WRONG.
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