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The Great Brain Robbery by Martin Lancaster - Short, Western - While all around him are losing their heads, Helio 'Hound Dog' Cordeiro must sober up and unravel the mystery of The Great Brain Robbery. Apologies to everyone involved. Two birds, one stone and all that. - Entry for the January '06 One Week Writing Exercise Thing - pdf, format
Well, from the start of the opening pages I knew who wrote this. The style is very distinct and, above all else, this writer left him or herself out of the bunch. Ha! You can't fool me!
Now, onto the story. I think this kind of reminds me of "Shanghai Noon," because it takes the western genre and mixes in a bunch of present day things. It was a very pleasant read.
I like these nicknames. Honkey Tonk, Hoedown, Hound Dog, but I think the best one was Bird Man here. Man, that guy was wild! I think his funniest sequence came when his head rolled along the floor and then Breanne stabbed it. Hahaha. The story's hero, Helio, I felt was accurately portrayed. He had that kind of goofy innocence about him and the dialogue was top notch.
Page 5: Nice touch with the things we can't see.
Page 7: Ya know, the whole thing was accurately portrayed as an old west flick from what I can tell, so I kinda thought the Jack Black description was out of line. Maybe you could have made him Tyler "Black Jack" Higgs. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk I crack myself up.
Page 10: "Pucker up, buttercup." Nice! And man, you really took advantage of Shelton's disposable hero thing. He lasted about 2 seconds!
Page 15: "No fucking move!" Hahahaha. All in good fun, of course.
Page 16: Breanne's the killer, eh? Wow. I'm surprised she didn't murder me in the saloon!
Page 17: I was kind of confused here. Don kills Breanne cause she didn't follow the rules, that part's humorous, but what I didn't get was the rule she broke. It's something bizarre I know, but I missed that general part.
Sixteen submissions and I bet ten of them have this Tanuki thing in it. *sigh*
Overall, a very enjoyable read. I like how you took elements from several screenplays and even involved some actual text from posts. The "fruit" speech that Helio makes I believe was from a thread. So yes, a very nice read! Well done!
I think that I think this is who Greg thinks it is. Some guy who thinks one of the main items stocked by a general store is cigars. I love it! I love all of them, actually.
* Glad to see I made the cut haha. * "Sorry", the author says. See how you can play with the conventions of a script? Just because I am the "reader", I don't see why that doesn't mean you can't put in little jokes just for me. (Later, the same thing with the rules. Excellent.) * Reading this, I finally figured out who Helio reminds me of. You ever see "Being There", with Peter Sellers? He's that guy. * Grammer note: I don't think you can "sleek" into a room. That's an adjective. I was going to blow this off, but then you used it twice. Maybe you mean slink? * I thought I recognized a few things, and then Don found the trunk, and I was like, "Oh...hell, yeah." Be assured that the authors who recognize themselves will feel supremely complimented.
At first, I was a little concerned that George and I had spoiled this kind of stuff for everybody, and I think I enjoy these even a little more for just that reason -- as people continue to churn out stand-alone stuff that is really hilarious and truly unique. Good job Mr. "Mystery Author".
I thought I knew who wrote this, but after reading the replies, now I definately know who wrote this, and it all makes sense that this is the only person who could have wrote this, but I'm not telling.
This script was so well formatted that it just flowed ever so gently from one scene to the next and was a joy to read.
Whoever wrote this has a knack for writing snappy dialogue AND good descriptions.
I liked the blending of the old west with elements from the future. The ninja was a nice addition, too, but that scene in the back room... well, that scene creeped me out. It was a good scene, a really good scene, but now I fear that one night soon I will be dreaming about this. Good for you, bad for me. Oh well...
MAJOR SPOILERS SCROLL BACK NOW
Don was a bad guy, huh... Wow. I never saw that coming. And Breanne, too... Well, hey she is very original, the founder of Breanism and all, hmmm.
It was, like I said earlier, a joy to read. Loved the story, and the characters, too. Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
I don't know who you are either but I have a good idea..
You people are nutz on these boards, you really are!!!
Not only do you guys parody yourselves but your all screenplay characters to boot..
Think I'm loosing my marbles.. Hehe..
I gotta say this idea about writing a screenplay short based upon a given theme is a really good idea and with a time limit of a week - it's real gem.
This script has got to have some of the most amusing stuff I've read about you gang on these boards and to say I laughed on more than two or three occasions would be an understatement. Not only did I not care about what I should about screenwriting, I just concentrated on the unfolding story, forget everything else, and I loved every minute of it. So much so that I nearly wet myself!
The scene where Breanne gets up on stage and say’s she’s gonna play a song called ‘Devil in D Minor’ – well, piddle my pants, I lost it at that point!
Wesley, hehe, they’ve got it in for you, dude.. I’m sure they love you really..
Don, at least they cast you as the Sherrif..
Instant screenplays from heads in jars – the very thought..
Utter lunacy, Mel Brooks hasn’t got anything on this stuff!