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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Western Scripts  ›  Longhair Moderators: bert
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  Author    Longhair  (currently 1904 views)
Don
Posted: February 17th, 2006, 6:14pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Longhair by Garry Skerrett - Western, Comedy - American wild west show visiting Englands Victorian Industrial slums attracts local lad to join them. 135 pages - doc, format


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JaneyH
Posted: February 18th, 2006, 5:08am Report to Moderator
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Actually I dont know how Comedy got stuck on the thread if anything its Western Drama It does have some very funny moments though. I would love to get some readers responses and comments about LONGHAIR. I would be very happy to read anyones script that does so in return.
I know that my descriptives are long but I dont think there is anything that is not on camera and because the environment of this piece is vital I have gone to some length to build up its picture within the script. This is based upon a real event.

Garry
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dogglebe
Posted: February 18th, 2006, 8:29am Report to Moderator
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I started reading this and the descriptions are extremely long.  Scriptwriting is a medium where one page of script translates to one minute on the screen.  Did you write this first as a novel and then adapted it?  I got this impression.

I'll read more (I only read a few pages so far).  Something will have to be done about the descriptions, though.


Phil
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JaneyH
Posted: February 18th, 2006, 12:28pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Phil and I am so glad you are taking the trouble. No it has never been a novel (though I am currently doing just that) I have written the discriptives as best as I can in real time as they happen on camera. Its seems very long because there is no dialogue during this opening sequence. I would agree tottaly that its over written though. I think it was my  heart felt need to set the scene in this dramatic place. The environment is almost as vital as the story in Longhair because its kind of fantasy and never really existed in way that the script intends to prortay it. Its hard to lay it down without being discriptive. I think however with clever writing I can take many pages off this script.

I have downloaded all your scripts above and will read them. Thank you so much

Garry
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Shelton
Posted: February 18th, 2006, 3:29pm Report to Moderator
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Garry,

What's the difference between this and 'Addy Longhair' that's posted in Drama?


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JaneyH
Posted: February 19th, 2006, 4:56am Report to Moderator
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There is no difference Mike. I had difficulty when I put it on which Don tried to help me with. It had been on for ages and no one one was showing any interest in it. I thought maybe its the pitch is really boring. I noticed that Westerns always got a read and as this story has a high western content if I placed it on that thread and changed the title and pitch it may get read. Actually it worked to an extent. I am new to this site and hope this has not offended or confused anyone. My original title was Addy Longhair. The producer who has picked it up Patrick Cassavetti suggested the title shortening to just Longhair. The reason I put it on here is that Patrick has had no luck getting a kick start on the project from companies he deals with and others. There is obviously something wrong with it. Maybe it has a confused target audience. So I thought if I could get other writers to read it and give me a view I could either change it or abandon it.

Garry
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bert
Posted: February 19th, 2006, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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This one did bounce around the genres a bit.

I popped "Addy Longhair" open to take a look when it first appeared -- in horror, of all things -- my genre of choice -- before it moved to drama.

The biggest problem with this script -- I mean the absolute biggest -- is that it reads like a freakin' novel.  It's written well, mind you, but not like a script.

I scrolled through it to see if the style ever changed, but no, it was just page after page that was literally stuffed with text.  I got tired just lookin' at it.

And I'll bet that is why Mr. Cassavetti is having trouble getting this looked at.


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JaneyH
Posted: February 19th, 2006, 1:57pm Report to Moderator
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I think that you are probably right. There are those who love it like my exec Bill Stephens and others. Those who may fund it cant get a fix on it. I am grateful for all comments and I do take note. I have blundered about with this one for years now and am thinking of abandoning it. As I have said though I am writing it as a novel. Maybe then a better script writer will do it. My current script is Horror set in the 16th century which I will post before the producers see it (Hardly any text I promise). I value all your opinions. Thank you so much.

Garry
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