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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Gold Fishes Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Gold Fishes  (currently 2080 views)
Don
Posted: February 17th, 2006, 6:16pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Gold Fishes by Helio J. Cordeiro - Short - You could be in trouble if you don’t pay attention to a note of warning. 6 pages - pdf, format


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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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dogglebe
Posted: February 17th, 2006, 10:48pm Report to Moderator
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An amusing little tale, Helio.  Kind of like a comical Twilight Zone episode.  I found it a little predictable, in part due to the name of the piece.  Maybe if you expanded it, you can make the 'surprise' a little more subtle.


Phil
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spencerforhire
Posted: February 18th, 2006, 12:54pm Report to Moderator
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Write NOW! Perfect LATER!

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Helio

I agree with Phil. It was predictable to a point. You could have really expanded this one. The lady could have wound up joining the man in the fish bowl as she hung the picture. And they could have become fish with only their faces on the gold fish bodies. Go wild.

Spencer


I got nothing.  
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Helio
Posted: February 18th, 2006, 3:11pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hey spencer and dogglebe!  Yeah I was too shy on this one.
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datha
Posted: February 20th, 2006, 9:50pm Report to Moderator
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i like your short stories, (unfortunately 'cause of luck of time i can't read a lot of full scripts) they are strange, differant from another scripts, i wander if you have something long 100-105 page.
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Helio
Posted: February 20th, 2006, 10:39pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Thanks datha. Keep reading my shorts scripts that in return I will read yours.

I have two feature scripts posted here in Drama session.  Oporto's Bride (in English) and A Última Sessão (the last show) - in portuguese.
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Helio
Posted: February 20th, 2006, 10:41pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hey guys! I'm rewriting this script and I'll have a great and nice surprise for ya! Just wait a little!
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I_M
Posted: February 20th, 2006, 11:33pm Report to Moderator
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Think again.

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I can't read this one because I think it is PDF file. Is there a way you can put the script into a microsoft word document or something like that?


Fear Friday: some students will die to survive a twisted killer. Coming soon.
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Helio
Posted: February 21st, 2006, 8:04am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hi, have you heard about Acrobat Reader? It is free. Go to this:

http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html
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The boy who could fly
Posted: February 21st, 2006, 10:14am Report to Moderator
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Pretty neat script, it fellt like something from amazing stories(God I wisht hey would bring that show back).  easy read, a few grammer mistakes, but all in all a fun read.  keep up the good work!


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Helio
Posted: February 21st, 2006, 10:18am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Thanks drexel! I'm rewriting it and soon I'll post the new version of it.
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The boy who could fly
Posted: February 21st, 2006, 10:48am Report to Moderator
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AWESOME!  Can't wait to read it!


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Jimbo
Posted: February 21st, 2006, 2:26pm Report to Moderator
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Helio, you amaze me each time with the scripts you write, and I truly mean this in a good kind of amazement. They are all so odd, and yet I get what they mean. I have a review here for you.

From what I heard, English is not your first language, and yet you still are pretty much top notch on it. In fact, sometimes it is impossible to tell the difference. You have great puncture and grammar to go along with a nicely told story.

This script had me laughing out loud at some points, and this whole thing was actually playing out in my head as it went along. You have a great way of getting people caught in your net of a story because of how well it is written.

Can you explain to me how he got in the painting? It confuses me. Was this all in his imagination or in someone else's. I don't get it.

Helio, keep up the good work, because I love every single piece you have posted on this site so far. Good luck with future projects, and I'm looking forward to reading and reviewing more of your scripts.

-Jimbo


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Helio
Posted: February 21st, 2006, 3:12pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hey Jimbo!

Man, with more good comments like yours will make me inflate! Not too much because I can to explode!

Thanks, thanks and thanks!

I'm preparing a new version of it more long than this one about 10 pages.
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Jimbo
Posted: February 21st, 2006, 3:18pm Report to Moderator
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Sounds great. I know I will give it a read.


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