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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Sneak Preview Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 1:07pm Report to Moderator
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Sneak Preview by James McClung - Short, Horror - Henry is a regular heckler at the local movie theater. But tonight, someone else gets to laugh at his expense. 21 pages - pdf, format


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Zombie Sean
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 1:44pm Report to Moderator
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I tried opening this up, and when it did, it came out in a different font, or different language as far as I know. I'm unable to read it, but it may be my computer.

Sean


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greg
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 3:17pm Report to Moderator
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Wow.  Well this is a very solid little short you got going here.  Very entertaining from beginning to end.  Sick, but amusing.  At the end though, I still had a few questions.

SPOILERS

Movie Dude is just kind of introduced as this guy on the street then takes Henry to his little house of horrors, but I kept wondering who this guy really was.  Did he hang out at movie theaters purposely looking for those standout assholes that ruin the movie going experience?  That's initially what I thought when finishing it up because at the end you had the parents who brought the 2 year old in.

Also, obviously this isn't the first time Movie Dude has done something like this, it would be unrealistic in my opinion if it was.  Wouldn't Henry tell the authorities or something?  Obviously Movie Dude is hanging out at movie theaters so he may not be that hard to spot.

In a way I guess I wished that there could have been more explanation for Movie Dude.  He truly is a fascinating character between the picking out movie punks, chopping off their fingers and then serving them with a container of popcorn.

But when all is said and done, I found this very entertaining and very relatable, since every time I go to the movies I encounter a 2 year old, or a heckler, or someone who talks nonstop, or someone who has their phone going off every 2 seconds, or, for some odd reason, where I live, people love getting out of their seats during the movie.  Every time I go to this theater you have at least 8 different people who get up for different reasons during the movie and walk around.  It bugs the hell out of me.

But yeah, anyway, very solid piece.  Nice job!  Oh yeah, I've had your "House of God" on my to-do list for quite some time.  I will get to it eventually, you have my word.


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bert
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 6:04pm Report to Moderator
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Well, it's pretty easy to see where this story is coming from in terms of unresolved frustrations.  But what kind of theaters do you go to that have ushers?

And was this in bold?  It looked kind of strange on my computer.

(SPOILERS)

*  The scene with the old man kind of confused the issue a bit.  I thought Henry was supposed to be an unlikable character -- or at least his behavior was unlikeable -- and then we have the old man talking about "way to go."  I think perhaps the scene with the old man could have been lost -- but at any rate, the old man would have called him "sonny" -- not "sunny" -- which he does a couple of times.
*  "Movie Dude"?  Sure...I guess that works...
*  I was getting a distinct "SimplyNoir" feel during the scene in the "movie room".  Was that by design?  And while I didn't quite get the part with the apple, the bit with the popcorn is fantastic.  Easily the highlight of the piece.  Nice work there.

This is a good, solid piece, James.  I liked it.  My only regret here was that cell phones -- my single biggest peeve -- never came into play.  I would have liked to have seen some particularly cruel torture devised for that particular class of bufoons.

Eh.  Maybe in the sequel.


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greg
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 6:13pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from bert
Well, it's pretty easy to see where this story is coming from in terms of unresolved frustrations.  But what kind of theaters do you go to that have ushers?


It depends on the theater.  Some don't have ushers, others do.  The one I usually go to has ushers that periodically come in during the film and stand off to the side.


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James McClung
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 6:39pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the reads, guys.

Greg...

I'll try to expand on Movie Dude's role in the rewrite. Most of the stuff you mentioned is stuff I usually think about before writing but my approach to writing this was much looser than usual so I let it slide. My main goal in this was to have fun and write something of a dark comedy in addition to the horror. Nevertheless, the stuff you've mentioned is important and I'll be sure to include it in the rewrite.

Bert...

Yeah, the script's in bold. Normal font doesn't show up well on my version of PDF.

Henry is supposed to be an unlikeable character but I figured the people who work at the movie theater and probably a few people in the audience (e.g. Old Man) would be fed up with watching bad movies all the time and might take enjoyment in Henry tearing them to pieces.

And as much as I enjoyed SimplyNoir, the movie room was not taken from it. I just found it an appropriate setting due to Henry's day job. The apple bit was basically Movie Dude humoring Henry until he finally starts thinking straight and realizes this isn't a joke.

Thanks again for the reads.



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James McClung  -  March 26th, 2006, 6:52pm
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rymatt
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 7:05pm Report to Moderator
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One of the better shorts I read. Some of the dialouge is a little unrealistic in my opinion. Otherwise I won't repeat what other posters said. I am going to read the Abattoir, but I just have a lot of other stuff to read before.

P.S. You did what I wanted to do with hecklers and people that brought kids into movies for a long time.

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rymatt  -  March 26th, 2006, 7:21pm
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bert
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from James McClung
And as much as I enjoyed SimplyNoir, the movie room was not taken from it.


Yeah....well, it's not like George and I invented that scenario either haha....I was just hoping I had spotted a reference.  And if you tell me there are theaters somewhere that still have ushers I will believe you.

And having thought on it a while, I think "Movie Dude" is a great name for an evil, serial-killer type -- or whatever the heck he is supposed to be.  The newspaper could have headlines reading "Movie Dude Strikes Again!!"

Anyways, it sounds pretty funny to me.  Good job with this one, James.


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George Willson
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
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The world needs more Movie Dudes...

I got a kick out of this. I was reading for the enjoyment of it, so the only typos that glared were kernels not cornels and sonny not sunny. It's sick and twisted, but it was good for what it was. I love the ending when he brings in the parents. Cracked me up.

Got a kick out of the Wizard of Oz reference near the end as well.

Good job James. I've wanted to be Movie Dude sometimes, especially with people complaining about the ratings and such.


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chad
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
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James,

I must say you've a great knack for writing good and original scripts, man. I really liked this one, but I wouldn't want to meet the Movie Dude...LOL!!! Because even I laugh at times during the parts of gore in films.

I saw two typos. They might not have been but I'll pass them by you to see.

1. The old man is talking to the film buff and calls him "Sunny", wouldn't you mean to say "Sonny?"

2. Keeping Hollywood on their "Tows?" Don't you mean "Toes?"

All in all, very original and well-written. Have you ever considered filming some of your shorts for festivals?

Chad
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chad
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 5:42pm Report to Moderator
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James,

Just an idea, but if you'd like a name for MOVIE DUDE how about CRYPTIC CRITIC or THE SILENCER?

Chad
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Martin
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 6:28pm Report to Moderator
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James,

I read this earlier today and it was a fun read. The bold text was a tad annoying though.

It's a good little story. I think you could've played up the heckling at the beginning. Make Henry more deserving of his fate. The tension was pretty good and Movie Dude was suitably creepy. I enjoyed the gore, especially the bit with the popcorn.

I didn't really get the ending though. Do people really take 2 year olds to the theater in the states? It doesn't happen in England that I know of. Are 2 year olds really that disturbed by violent movies or are they too young to understand? I'd have thought between the ages of 5 and 8 you'd be more disturbed by a violent movie.

That aside, it's an entertaining script. Nice work.
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James McClung
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 6:57pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Martin
I didn't really get the ending though. Do people really take 2 year olds to the theater in the states? It doesn't happen in England that I know of. Are 2 year olds really that disturbed by violent movies or are they too young to understand?


People do take two year olds to R rated movies and more often than not, they start to cry. Children have ruined many a movie for me. Granted some were bad movies but they were movies just the same.

Thanks for the read.


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thegardenstate89
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 8:34pm Report to Moderator
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First off I would like to say they need shorts with movie dudes played at the beginning of films at theaters to remind people to shut up or to turn there cell phones off.

Funny little script. Very gruesome, but i'm not bothered by it.

I did however feel Henry could've done more at the movie. How about "It's affirmative action. The black dude's getting killed" Something that will personally offend an audience member, to show how arrogant he is. After all as crazy as Movie Dude itd be nice to root for him.

I think maybe a 5 or 6 year old would be effected by the images of an R rated film. movie dude had that couple tied up there because they were exposing their daughter to inapropriate material. However a 2 year old would not be as effected by them a somebody whose 5 or 6.

Other than that everythings golden.
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Breanne Mattson
Posted: March 30th, 2006, 10:44pm Report to Moderator
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Hey James,

I have mixed feelings about this one. There are some things I like and some things Iím not certain what to make of. Itís technically well done so credit there. As far as that; only a few proofs that have already been mentioned.

*SPOILERS*

Story wise:

Youíve got a great idea with the heckler theme. I wish people like that could be beaten with pugil sticks all the way out the door. Now that would be worth the price of admission -- haha.

For me, the biggest problem was Henry. Most anyone can definitely relate to the experience of people like him but most people donít really sympathize with people like him. In other words, he starts off as someone I wouldnít care about and there was nothing really that prompted me to care about him. The most concern I could muster for his character was sympathy due to his being tortured. Of course, I wouldnít want to see anyone get tortured so what does it say when the only way someone can generate concern is to be treated inhumanely? I wouldnít have been bothered by Henry if there had been another character who could generate the genuine care that Henry failed to.

I feel that Henry needs another dimension; something to show heís human. Heís very indifferent and that caused him to fail to gain my sympathy on an emotional level.

Itís a good script for a few reasons; itís well written; it has a good plot; it has a lot of good ideas. Ultimately, however, Henry was just too indifferent to move me in any real way.

Even under torture, he spent what sympathy there was to be had. I felt that he didnít always respond to his treatment realistically. I think the average person may react with more horror than Henry at the loss of his digits.

Overall, my feelings are more positive than negative. And I also tried to view it from the context of a short, knowing how difficult it can be to incite genuine care from a reader/viewer in such a short period of time. Iíve watched a lot of shorts and by comparison, this stands up pretty good. But if you can manage to conjure some kind of sympathy for Henry by creating a more human appeal to him, it would really help take away from the feeling that itís just about a jerk getting tortured. Nothing particularly wrong with that. And I did enjoy it. It just seems that it could be a bit more filled out, I guess.


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