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Helio, has anyone ever told you just how warped your mind is lately?
While I agree that public bugling is a serious crime to be addressed, most people don't get arrested for it. I imagine you mean burglers instead.
Travesties? I'm sure there are many stories of such in a police station, but perhaps you're referring to transvestites.
Typos aside, this story is seriously messed up. It's so ridiculous that it works in its own little world. From your guys talking about how to do it to the actual crime, it feels like the guys are really hyped up on cocaine.
As is your perennial problem, your dialogue's a little wooden, but the scenario is good and bizarre. Good job again on this one, since my head is still turning it over too much to say much more about it.
Great little twisted story. Like I said to you a few days ago, I think you have found your writing voice. It is quirky yet refreshing to watch you touch the out edges of reality. That is what great writing is all about. Keep up the great work.
This is some fucked up shit, but that's what I liked about it, it's one wild story, I was a bit confused at first, but when I read it again it seemed to make more sense. I liked that you had the courage to go nuts with this and not play it safe, I like it when writers take chances, even when it could end in disaster, but I think this found the right note, it went as far as it could go. keep up the great writing
Pretty decent short you got here, Helio. I liked the idea a lot. Very quirky, strange, and original. There are a few typos (stuff like "oaky" instead of "okay") but I won't hound you on those. There are a few other things I'd like to point out though. The way Mike described his plot was a little strange. At times, it sounded like something he was planning to do. At others, something he's already done. I assume it's something he's planning so you might want to make that a little more clear if that's the case. Also, why does Mike want to kill Bambi? It's asked a few times throughout but every time, Mike just gets extremely emotional. If I missed something or we're not neccesarily supposed to know why he wants to kill Bambi then I guess you can ignore the latter comment. Then again, they're both doing coke so these kinds of irregularities are logical, I suppose. Good job with this, Helio.
About Mike's plot maybe I didn't described it well or as you said clear. My intention was: In Mike's alucination he was planing to get inside Disney and kills Bambi.
Well, maybe Mike shoot his mother and put fire in his house or mabe he wont to be like Bambi wich mother was shoot by the hunters and saw the forrest burning. So he gets Bambi situation to resolve his anger to himself for have killed his own mother and burned his home...who knows what happens inside of a fucked druegged guy's head like Mike?!
Anyway, James, appreciate your comments thanks for the reading!!!
Tell me, what inspired you? Because at the ending Mike made me think of Mark Chapman, the man who shot-- John Lennon. He thought he was him, just like Mike thinks he's Bambi.
One thing annoyed me anyway. it would be difficult not to see on screen Phil, Felix's brother, through the open door. You should finf a way we could mistook Phil for Bambi (he's on a bike, on all fours looking for something, tying his shoelace...)
You could change the title as "Who Killed Bambi?" refering to the Sex Pistols song (LOL)
Anyway, Helio, as usual, I liked your script, your universe and hope reading others as good as the ones I have already read from you.
Crazy stuff, but in a good way. I enjoyed it very much, aside from the hella grammar mistakes, and not meeting Phil before hand.
"Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd" - George Carlin "I have to sign before you shoot me?" - Navin Johnson "It'll take time to restore chaos" - George W. Bush "Harry, I love you!" - Ben Affleck "What are you looking at, sugar t*ts?" - The man without a face "Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death." - Exodus 31:15 "No one ever expects The Spanish Inquisition!" - The Spanish Inquisition "Matt Damon" - Matt Damon
Helio...I sometimes wonder what is wandering through your head at some points. I mean, camel toes, killing bambee, being an erotic woman named HELIA?!!!
Haha, you're still a cool cat, though, Helio. I enjoyed the story. At first I didn't understand what was going on, but finally I began to get it going through my head and I liked the last line of the script. Though I didn't like this one as much as Charlotte and the Camel's Toe, I liked reading it.
Just as other people said, some grammar and spelling errors, but that's nothing to worry about too much. Just as long as I enjoyed the story. And I did!