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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Man That Killed Bambi Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Man That Killed Bambi  (currently 1905 views)
Don
Posted: April 8th, 2006, 8:15am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Man That Killed Bambi by Helio J Cordeiro - Short - It is about a tormented drugged man that decides to kill the famous animated queer Bambi. 11 pages - pdf, format


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George Willson
Posted: April 8th, 2006, 5:52pm Report to Moderator
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Helio, has anyone ever told you just how warped your mind is lately?

While I agree that public bugling is a serious crime to be addressed, most people don't get arrested for it. I imagine you mean burglers instead.

Travesties? I'm sure there are many stories of such in a police station, but perhaps you're referring to transvestites.

Typos aside, this story is seriously messed up. It's so ridiculous that it works in its own little world. From your guys talking about how to do it to the actual crime, it feels like the guys are really hyped up on cocaine.

As is your perennial problem, your dialogue's a little wooden, but the scenario is good and bizarre. Good job again on this one, since my head is still turning it over too much to say much more about it.


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Herodreamer79
Posted: April 8th, 2006, 9:47pm Report to Moderator
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holy sh!t... thats all i have to say about this script... holy sh!t...

this story is so wrong. i loved every bit of it. just needs some polishing and some serious proof reading...

if you'll excuse me i;m going to go find a therapist to help me wind down from this.


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spencerforhire
Posted: April 10th, 2006, 10:41pm Report to Moderator
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Write NOW! Perfect LATER!

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Helio

Great little twisted story. Like I said to you a few days ago, I think you have found your writing voice. It is quirky yet refreshing to watch you touch the out edges of reality. That is what great writing is all about. Keep up the great work.

Spencer



I got nothing.  
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The boy who could fly
Posted: April 11th, 2006, 4:19am Report to Moderator
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This is some fucked up shit, but that's what I liked about it, it's one wild story, I was a bit confused at first, but when I read it again it seemed to make more sense.  I liked that you had the courage to go nuts with this and not play it safe, I like it when writers take chances, even when it could end in disaster, but I think this found the right note, it went as far as it could go.  keep up the great writing


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Helio
Posted: April 11th, 2006, 8:33am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hey George, Spencer, Jordan and dreamer thanks fo the comments. I think that what the drugged guys say weren't so different than the politicians say avery day : Nonsense! Nonsense!

I know I'm keeping my stile in the track, but sometimes I feel myself begging for something soft, light and smooth than these weird stories.

Anyway thanks a lot to all of you for the great suport!

PS: "The curse of the Camel's toe" comes son!
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George Willson
Posted: April 11th, 2006, 9:15am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Helio
PS: "The curse of the Camel's toe" comes son!


You're getting married? (Let's see how many people "get" this.)



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Helio
Posted: April 11th, 2006, 1:10pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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"You're getting married? (Let's see how many people "get" this."

I didn't catch it, George. What do you meant? Explain, please!
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James McClung
Posted: April 11th, 2006, 2:17pm Report to Moderator
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Pretty decent short you got here, Helio. I liked the idea a lot. Very quirky, strange, and original. There are a few typos (stuff like "oaky" instead of "okay") but I won't hound you on those. There are a few other things I'd like to point out though. The way Mike described his plot was a little strange. At times, it sounded like something he was planning to do. At others, something he's already done. I assume it's something he's planning so you might want to make that a little more clear if that's the case. Also, why does Mike want to kill Bambi? It's asked a few times throughout but every time, Mike just gets extremely emotional. If I missed something or we're not neccesarily supposed to know why he wants to kill Bambi then I guess you can ignore the latter comment. Then again, they're both doing coke so these kinds of irregularities are logical, I suppose. Good job with this, Helio.


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Helio
Posted: April 11th, 2006, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Nice to hear from you James, thanks.

About Mike's plot maybe I didn't described it well or as you said clear. My intention was: In Mike's alucination he was planing to get inside Disney and kills Bambi.

Well, maybe Mike shoot his mother and put fire in his house or mabe he wont to be like Bambi wich mother was shoot by the hunters and saw the forrest burning. So he gets Bambi situation to resolve his anger to himself for have killed his own mother and burned his home...who knows what happens inside of a fucked druegged guy's head like Mike?!

Anyway, James, appreciate your comments thanks for the reading!!!
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Helio
Posted: April 14th, 2006, 9:03pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Oh God, I'll go to the hell now! Okay, okay I hope next day someone will show something diferent based on a short stoy from me telling about love, envy etc.

Anyway, kid, thanks for your honestty, keep being my friend!

Hey Juan, one morritos here, to my dear friend Tomson, please!
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michel
Posted: July 17th, 2006, 3:35am Report to Moderator
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Hi Helio.

Tell me, what inspired you? Because at the ending Mike made me think of Mark Chapman, the man who shot-- John Lennon. He thought he was him, just like Mike thinks he's Bambi.

One thing annoyed me anyway. it would be difficult not to see on screen Phil, Felix's brother, through the open door. You should finf a way we could mistook Phil for Bambi (he's on a bike, on all fours looking for something, tying his shoelace...)

You could change the title as "Who Killed Bambi?" refering to the Sex Pistols song (LOL)

Anyway, Helio, as usual, I liked your script, your universe and hope reading others as good as the ones I have already read from you.


Michel


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Steve-Dave
Posted: July 17th, 2006, 5:12am Report to Moderator
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Crazy stuff, but in a good way. I enjoyed it very much, aside from the hella grammar mistakes, and not meeting Phil before hand.


"Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd" - George Carlin
"I have to sign before you shoot me?" - Navin Johnson
"It'll take time to restore chaos" - George W. Bush
"Harry, I love you!" - Ben Affleck
"What are you looking at, sugar t*ts?" - The man without a face
"Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death." - Exodus 31:15
"No one ever expects The Spanish Inquisition!" - The Spanish Inquisition
"Matt Damon" - Matt Damon
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Helio
Posted: July 17th, 2006, 1:42pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hey Sryknows, I appreciated your reading, dude. Sorry about grammar mistakes.

By the way, is normal 199 pages on your "What is normal". What is normal pages number? Are 120 maximum, aren't ?
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Zombie Sean
Posted: July 17th, 2006, 3:25pm Report to Moderator
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Helio...I sometimes wonder what is wandering through your head at some points. I mean, camel toes, killing bambee, being an erotic woman named HELIA?!!!

Haha, you're still a cool cat, though, Helio. I enjoyed the story. At first I didn't understand what was going on, but finally I began to get it going through my head and I liked the last line of the script. Though I didn't like this one as much as Charlotte and the Camel's Toe, I liked reading it.

Just as other people said, some grammar and spelling errors, but that's nothing to worry about too much. Just as long as I enjoyed the story. And I did!

Sean


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