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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Stone Stupid & Dead Ugly Moderators: bert
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  Author    Stone Stupid & Dead Ugly  (currently 1981 views)
Don
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:11pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Stone Stupid & Dead Ugly by Roger Smith - Short - An L.A. man journeys to Alabama to enter the Ugliest Loser on Earth contest.  First prize is a date with actress Sharon Stone.  Redneck Hunters, however, hunt down the uglies. 15 pages - pdf, format


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Breanne Mattson
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:51pm Report to Moderator
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Ha - a Star Wars fan - 1138, 1971 - Lucasí first film -- ha.

Old man scratches his nuts with a fork? My god, that sounds like it could hurt!

Bertís All-Mart -- letís all go! -- ha

Kiss my ass finger - eww! - just eww! -- haha

Smiles big like he just fired a fart -- crazy!

This was pretty good. It took a few pages to get its flow going but then it moved right along. Pretty funny.



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Kevan
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:42pm Report to Moderator
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This one reads very quick and fast but doesn't do it any harm none..

Jeez, the pace of it.. Sheesh..

Hey, funny dialogue..

Shit in my hat., Ha!

Smell my ass finger - yuk and ha!

Good read once you get into the swing of the pace you set here..

Dialogue is very snappy like your action and I actually like when you talk out of the script to the reader - good technique that and funny with it..

Overall a very funny script and probably the best I've read so far mainly for the zany apsects and downright sicko humor.

I like this one a lot, very funny, well done..
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bert
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 7:36am Report to Moderator
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Pretty darn sure I know where this one came from.  Fantastic dialogue -- a very unique style to it that the author can really call their own.

*  A fine word like "Kabama" deserves an exclamation point, like this -- KABAMA!
*  You know, I love the Weekly World News.  A big "Bat Boy" fan, I am.
*  It never occurred to me what a redneck haven "Bert's All-Mart" sounds like, but it certainly does, doesn't it?  I can see the hand-lettered sign and the ice machine out front.  The kind of place where you can get sandwiches and bait in one convenient stop (not that you should, of course). Maybe some boiled peanuts, too.  Not the first time I've had a store used, either, which lends an additional clue to the observant....
*  The shrink-wrapped unmentionables should be labled in some way, so we know what -- and whose -- they are.

Most of these are turning out goofy as hell.  This one is no exception.  A very creative piece, though, and I very much doubt that I will read another one quite like it.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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James McClung
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 1:39pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed this one although I think it could've used a bit more comedy. The first half had a lot but the second felt more like an action script, which isn't bad but I gather it's supposed to be a comedy. Other than that, a good premise (though Sharon Stone seemed kind of a random choice) and some good dialogue. Nice job with this, whoever you are.


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Mr.Z
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 2:14pm Report to Moderator
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Some very funny moments in here. It takes a bit for the story to start; the first dialogue between Big Bud and Lloyd was a little tedious. But after a few pages it flows quite well, with some laughs here and there, specially in dialogue lines. Nice job.


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tomson
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 2:59pm Report to Moderator
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This thing was as slick as snot on a doorknob!

I'm honored that some apparently thought I could've written this.

Excellent descriptions, short and to the point.

Excellent dialogue, very funny.

Nicely written action scenes.

There was a lot of funny stuff in here, but most of it I think came from descriptions and dialogue rather than the actual story itself.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 4:43pm Report to Moderator
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I liked this one, I thought it was a very clever premise--how you came up with it baffles me.  I didn't find the dialogue to be all to humorous but it was good nonetheless.  Nothing seemed awkward, you did well.  So far, I would say that this script has the most clever way of getting to the point of "Why does everyone keep shooting at me?" and that is quite an accomplishment, some of these scripts are just a bit to random.

The only thing I would work on is a few more jokes.  Although I found the plot to be extremely humorous as well as some of the action, I didn't really find to many funny jokes in the dialogue other than the "If you win\If I lose" bit.  Apparently a lot of other people really like your dialogue, so I wouldn't worry to much about it.


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George Willson
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 10:29pm Report to Moderator
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Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

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This one tried to use the ugly people and backwater hicks as humor, but this didn't work most of the time. The basic situation was hilarious and when the characters were relating to the plot, it usually came off as funny. It's the whacked-out situation that makes the humor.

The story itself worked well enough. Virgil had some sympathy to him, but he was mostly weird. I'm not sure why they let Cass off the funny farm. Great concept. dialogue was also well written, and the description were good as well and were really clear in telling the visual part of the story.

And what do you mean the Weekly World News isn't real? That's the best real neww story fodder in the world. I've given consideration to writing about the famed were-house!


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The boy who could fly
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 11:39pm Report to Moderator
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this one was pretty funny, I live in the sticks and I know a few hicks who talk like this, I was waiting for an inbred mountain person to start playing the banjo.  I laughed a lot at some of the dialog.  I thought it dragged a bit in the middle, but not much.  all in all a fun read.


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greg
Posted: April 20th, 2006, 7:56pm Report to Moderator
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Oh Hi

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I kinda liked this one and I kinda didn't.  The story and the characters were very unique and I think you did a tremendous job on the dialogue, but overall I didn't feel that the comedy was as funny as it could have been.  I chuckled, I smiled, but I was hoping for more.  Maybe it's just because I can only take so many doses of hicks at one time haha.  The names you gave some of the guys were funny, like OLD FART and UGLY GUY.  haaha.  That makes for a speedy and quick read.

I think this is the last one, so to give a general picture I'd say this is number 4 on my list.  So, nice job!


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Kevan
Posted: April 24th, 2006, 5:19pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Gary (Abe from LA)

Really good effort..

Big pat on the back dude..


Kev
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Abe from LA
Posted: April 24th, 2006, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Kev,

Thanks a lot.  My goal was to see if I could cram a big script into 15 pages.
Not to mention practice writing faster.
I'm such a slooooooow writer.
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bert
Posted: April 24th, 2006, 7:46pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Abe from LA
I roll my eyes at zombies and slasher movies, because most are sooooo bad.  But I would like to try my hand at one, just to see...


Here's what might have tipped me off had I been paying attention...or even looking for it.

Nice job with this one, Abe.  My comments above pretty much sum up what I thought of this one (which I was sure Tomson had written) -- but I'll reiterate how much I liked the dialogue here.  I think you sell yourself short, and shouldn't be so shy with your work.

And how did an LA boy get so much right about the south, anyway...?  


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Abe from LA
Posted: April 24th, 2006, 8:31pm Report to Moderator
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Hiya Bert,

Appreciate the kind words.
I tend to be a perfectionist, as I've said before.
Just hate to put something out there that I haven't given 100 percent on.
I figure if I give 100 percent from the get-go, that's my starting point.  
All comments then are not about my own stupid typos, etc.
Make sense?

The southern accent.  I just BS it.  True southerners probably roll their eyes.
I don't think I'd use too much of the accent if I were writing something serious about the south.
Fact is, Bert, I've never been to the south.  Pretty much stayed in the western part of the U.S.
Spent some time in Evanston, Il.
An ex-girlfriend had family (on her stepfather's side) from Tennessee.
That's about it.

Hey, I'm reading the Farm right now.
Will comment on it soon.
Good read thus far.
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