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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Terminated Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:14pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Terminated by Roger Smith - Short - The Terminator's back.  In the hood. And this time, he's a newer model. Stronger, faster, and much more....hip. 8 pages - doc, format


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bert
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:47pm Report to Moderator
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Buy the ticket, take the ride

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[Post deleted cuz the author is too lazy to read anybody else's story]


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!

Revision History (1 edits)
bert  -  April 25th, 2006, 7:46am
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Antemasque
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:48pm Report to Moderator
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the ocean floor is hidden from your viewing lens

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F**K YEAH! Now this is what i want to read. CONGRATS to whoever did this. The best so far. Everything fit in perfect and it was funny reading it all.

5/5
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greg
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:55pm Report to Moderator
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Oh Hi

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"If this fried chicken is good...I'll be back."

Haha.  This was a quick little read.  I've never been into the race humor(unless it's racist, sue me I'm bad), but some of the other elements of this story were excellent.

The rat leg, Terminator's one liners, and the Dick Cheney finale.  Got some big laughs out of me!

nicely done


Be excellent to each other
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Breanne Mattson
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:29pm Report to Moderator
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This one didn’t do too much for me. It had it’s moments. I got a few laughs from it.


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Mr.Z
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
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Good premise for a comedy and some good laughs in here. The exchange with the prostitute was one ot the best parts. Good job.


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Kevan
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:47pm Report to Moderator
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Same what the pervious posters said..

Some funny one liners and nicely written in-jokes, sure had me laughing on more than one occasion..

Couldn't see the line "Why are the always shooting at me? though? Where's that?

Apart from that, this was spot on, right on the money..

Well done whoever wrote it, short, snappy, to the point and funny..
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Shelton
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:24pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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I laughed a few times at this, but saw a HUGE missed opportunity.

When Terminator tells Foxy Chick to get down.....why oh why did she NOT start dancing?  I was just waiting for it!

But the I'll be back line was funny.  Nice job.


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James McClung
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:39pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Terminator... in the hood! How could I not read this? Anyway, this is one funny script. The opening scene was my favorite and I dug the Dick Cheney bit at the end. I also loved how self aware it was. Normally, I'd discourage using lines like "you know the drill" and "he's the bad Terminator" but I think here, they enhanced the read. No real problems except it's "Holmes", not "Homes" and I kind of agree with Mike about the "get down" bit.


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tomson
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:41pm Report to Moderator
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This one was hilarious and I know who wrote it too!!

I be black  

I'm still laughing  
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KenneyP
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 11:26am Report to Moderator
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"Now your Converse All-Stars with the pump air soles."

Just picture it being said by Ahnuld... hilarious.
Didn't like the rest of it though, it's good don't get me wrong, it just ain't my taste.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 4:53pm Report to Moderator
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This was heaven in a screen play.  Excellentay.  Although the basis of the exercise was not really used to well, I can overlook it for the awesomeness that is this script.

"Come with me if you want to live . . . and party."


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
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thegardenstate89
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 5:23pm Report to Moderator
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Hey stereotypes can be funny. Heck I find them hilarious. But it felt like that's the only thing your script was made of.

That doesn't mean I didnt laugh. I laughed a lot reading this. The fried chicken stereotype will never lose it's touch.
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George Willson
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 12:18am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

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A Terminator spoof! My God, I was in tears. I confess to having watched the first two too many times. This one was very well-spoofed. The down side is that it didn't tie in well to the theme because no one was always being shot at. It would have helped if after the soul brother was revealed he spouted out, "Girl, I don't know why ever-body gotta be shootin' at me!" That would have been hilarious.

You captured the essence in my opinion and wrote something quite funny to me...but I'm also a sucker for spoofs.


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CindyLKeller
Posted: April 20th, 2006, 7:34pm Report to Moderator
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I really liked this one. Terminator with a hooker. That's funny. I liked the one liners, and could actually hear Arnold saying these things when I read it. I agree with the others about her starting to dance. She said she'd be Sarah Connor if the price was right.  


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
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