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Terminated (currently 2291 views) |
Don |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:14pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16381 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Terminated by Roger Smith - Short - The Terminator's back. In the hood. And this time, he's a newer model. Stronger, faster, and much more....hip. 8 pages - doc, format |
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bert |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:47pm |
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AdministratorBuy the ticket, take the ride
LocationThat's me in the corner Posts4232 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
[Post deleted cuz the author is too lazy to read anybody else's story] |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
bert - April 25th, 2006, 7:46am | | |
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Antemasque |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:48pm |
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Been Around the ocean floor is hidden from your viewing lens
LocationBaltimore, MD Posts558 Posts Per Day 0.08 |
F**K YEAH! Now this is what i want to read. CONGRATS to whoever did this. The best so far. Everything fit in perfect and it was funny reading it all.
5/5 |
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greg |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:55pm |
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Old Timer Oh Hi
LocationSan Diego, California Posts1680 Posts Per Day 0.24 |
"If this fried chicken is good...I'll be back."
Haha. This was a quick little read. I've never been into the race humor(unless it's racist, sue me I'm bad), but some of the other elements of this story were excellent.
The rat leg, Terminator's one liners, and the Dick Cheney finale. Got some big laughs out of me!
nicely done |
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Breanne Mattson |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:29pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1347 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
This one didn’t do too much for me. It had it’s moments. I got a few laughs from it.
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Mr.Z |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:44pm |
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Been Around
LocationBuenos Aires - Argentina Posts743 Posts Per Day 0.11 |
Good premise for a comedy and some good laughs in here. The exchange with the prostitute was one ot the best parts. Good job. |
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Kevan |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:47pm |
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Posts298 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
Same what the pervious posters said..
Some funny one liners and nicely written in-jokes, sure had me laughing on more than one occasion..
Couldn't see the line "Why are the always shooting at me? though? Where's that?
Apart from that, this was spot on, right on the money..
Well done whoever wrote it, short, snappy, to the point and funny.. |
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Shelton |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:24pm |
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Of The Ancients
LocationChicago Posts3292 Posts Per Day 0.49 |
I laughed a few times at this, but saw a HUGE missed opportunity.
When Terminator tells Foxy Chick to get down.....why oh why did she NOT start dancing? I was just waiting for it!
But the I'll be back line was funny. Nice job. |
| Shelton's IMDb Profile
"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin |
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Reply: 7 - 22 |
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James McClung |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:39pm |
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Of The Ancients
LocationWashington, D.C. Posts3293 Posts Per Day 0.49 |
Terminator... in the hood! How could I not read this? Anyway, this is one funny script. The opening scene was my favorite and I dug the Dick Cheney bit at the end. I also loved how self aware it was. Normally, I'd discourage using lines like "you know the drill" and "he's the bad Terminator" but I think here, they enhanced the read. No real problems except it's "Holmes", not "Homes" and I kind of agree with Mike about the "get down" bit. |
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tomson |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:41pm |
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This one was hilarious and I know who wrote it too!! I be black I'm still laughing |
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KenneyP |
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 11:26am |
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LocationDeurne, Belgium Posts115 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
"Now your Converse All-Stars with the pump air soles."
Just picture it being said by Ahnuld... hilarious. Didn't like the rest of it though, it's good don't get me wrong, it just ain't my taste. |
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Higgonaitor |
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 4:53pm |
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Been Around
Location(40.717261, -73.600087) Posts934 Posts Per Day 0.13 |
This was heaven in a screen play. Excellentay. Although the basis of the exercise was not really used to well, I can overlook it for the awesomeness that is this script.
"Come with me if you want to live . . . and party." |
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thegardenstate89 |
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 5:23pm |
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Hey stereotypes can be funny. Heck I find them hilarious. But it felt like that's the only thing your script was made of.
That doesn't mean I didnt laugh. I laughed a lot reading this. The fried chicken stereotype will never lose it's touch. |
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George Willson |
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 12:18am |
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Of The Ancients Doctor who? Yes, quite right.
LocationBroken Arrow Posts3591 Posts Per Day 0.51 |
A Terminator spoof! My God, I was in tears. I confess to having watched the first two too many times. This one was very well-spoofed. The down side is that it didn't tie in well to the theme because no one was always being shot at. It would have helped if after the soul brother was revealed he spouted out, "Girl, I don't know why ever-body gotta be shootin' at me!" That would have been hilarious.
You captured the essence in my opinion and wrote something quite funny to me...but I'm also a sucker for spoofs. |
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CindyLKeller |
Posted: April 20th, 2006, 7:34pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1467 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
I really liked this one. Terminator with a hooker. That's funny. I liked the one liners, and could actually hear Arnold saying these things when I read it. I agree with the others about her starting to dance. She said she'd be Sarah Connor if the price was right. |
| Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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