The Payphone Chronicles by Andrew Roby - Short, Comedy - Jack is not a man you wanna talk to on the phone. 3 pages - doc, format

Andrew, I got the impression that you wrote this just to shock us.  That's the only thing I could say about this.


Phil

Actually, it was only meant to get a laugh at the end. Sorry if it did not make you laugh.

Andrew,

As I was reading this I kept thinking of another movie, "Just One Of The Guys" to be exact, when her brother answers the phone and says...


COULD BE A SPOILER I SUPPOSE

"Hey yo, scumbag"  "Yeah, suck your own"  "Same to you buttface".

He hangs up the phone, looks at his sister, and says "Mom says hi", as he walks out of the room.


END POSSIBLE SPOILER

This was kind of the feeling I got from this, although amplified a little more on the dirty side.  

Hm, that was weird. I'll give you that the end was a bit of a punchline, and I did chuckle. But dude, you kiss your momma with that mouth?

You call this a "chronicles." Does this mean we get graced with more tales of that payphone in the future? Might be amusing, actually.

All I can say is LOL.

Bravo.

Not everyones taste but I love it.

Totally unexpected.

Hahaha, it felt more than the dirty kind of joke I usually hear from my friends than a comedy short, but yeah I admit I chuckled during some bits.  

Pretty potent stuff, Andrew.
I think I met that guy, Jack Meoff, right?

* SPOILER *

I didn't see mom coming at the end.
Haha.  I didn't see her come at all.  I wasn't one of the 7.
I had to laugh.

*End of Spoiler*

I think you could have done more with the kid.
Maybe he's trying to get into the phone booth to retrieve his
skateboard or something.

Man, I've got a warped sense of humor.

It was almost a drag having to read through all of the stuff Jack was saying. But that punch at the end made it worthwhile.
Now I hope you don't talk to your elders that way....

Haha. I'm glad you all liked this little number.

I did have a small smile at the end of this one. Good job...I guess,  

I thought I was the only one who talked to their mother like that  

Um...YIKES is probably the word.  If it was an exercise then you performed admirably.  If this was a serious attempt at anything with substance then you failed horribly.  I'm hoping it was the first.  

What can I say?  Good job?  I don't know how to critique this.  The punchline didn't get me because I figured he was talking to his mother.

The cursing, well, I can tell you do it well.  If you can only hide it a little bit more that it may not be his mother then I guess you can kill it a winner.

Actually, it would be better if it was his grandmother.  No one, I mean, NO ONE would talk to their grandmother like that so that would be even funnier.

Quoted from leanordjenkis Actually, it would be better if it was his grandmother.  No one, I mean, NO ONE would talk to their grandmother like that .

um, I do

The language is just preposterous. This is a tired old joke (as Mike pointed out) and it was only ever mildly amusing at best. The language is a very transparent attempt to go to an extreme to put a new spin on this very tired and worn cliché of a joke.

It didn’t make sense to me that a child would run away crying just because some punk had a foul mouth. The guy wasn’t shocking. He was just pathetic.

Sorry. I wish I could be more positive but this is pointless.