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The Body by Matt Layden (TheUsualSuspect) - Short, Comedy - Two buddies have a hard time trying to dispose of a bosy they have in the trunk of their car. 9 pages - html, format
This is another one of those shorts that seems like it should be part of a much longer story.
SPOILERS
Why not have the whole ordeal of what happened beforehand? How they killed the guy? How they left his body behind?
Hell, you could even go so far as to have more on the back end. Maybe Martin keeps going on and on about a kid finding the body, getting inside of George's head and causing him to go back for the body, but there's a group of kids there now who got caught by the cops drinking beers, thus setting up a little bit of tension.
Seriously, based on what you have here, this could easily be a feature. It may sound ridiculous based on only 9 pages, but I can really see it.
I won't harp on you for spelling since your post above shows that you recognize it, but I would work on making your descriptions a little more concise and shaping up the dialogue.
A dialogue suggestion:
MARTIN Go ahead, knock me out and dig this big fucking hole all by yourself.
GEORGE Yeah, and when I'm done I'll throw your ass in there right along with this guy.
What's with all the spelling mistakes???? (just kidding) I really dig your dialogue dude. I liked the story alot. I agree with everyone else though, that you should make this longer or explain more. I mean, how do you forget the body? And the ending I thought it would have been alot better if you ended it with George burying Martin alive when he was stuck in the hole.
"Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd" - George Carlin "I have to sign before you shoot me?" - Navin Johnson "It'll take time to restore chaos" - George W. Bush "Harry, I love you!" - Ben Affleck "What are you looking at, sugar t*ts?" - The man without a face "Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death." - Exodus 31:15 "No one ever expects The Spanish Inquisition!" - The Spanish Inquisition "Matt Damon" - Matt Damon
Good dialogue, good premise. I DO NOT AGREE with everyone above that say you need to put in the backstory. I couldn't care less about it. I know there's a dead man in the trunk, I know he was killed, I know they're on the way to bury him. It's a short, not a feature. You don't need the back story for this.
The only thing is that it ramble a bit too long and became a little bland. You need a quick and kickass ending for this. YOu ended it with a whimper which made me sigh.