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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Night of Hell Moderators: bert
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Posted: July 21st, 2006, 6:48am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Night of Hell by Daniel Robinson - Short, Horror - When demons come to town one man must try and stop them if he can… 6 pages - pdf, format

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Posted: July 21st, 2006, 11:15am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


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Okee dokie.


Hey Daniel,

I say it almost everytime I review your shorts but some of the descriptions need to... well, describe more. Some of the dialogue just doesn't fit in more than others. I wasn't sure if you were going for a bit of a comedy or horror. Saying that, the story was good and could've, again, been a lot better if it had been written differently. The synopsis you've got attached to this is misleading for me. You don't know there are demons until later on. I don't get why Randy needed to ask: "Is it human...?" When Paul had just said it was a body. I mean, Randy's emotions should've stopped him from asking questions like that. I man holding a shotgun with a body in his trunk coming inside your house... I'd be pretty crapping myself and so would most people, especially a family man.

I think if you wrote this with a slightly different approach, like with no one knowing that the BODY is actually a demon until morning when the kids come and tell them that "There's something in the garden..." that'd freak me out,  just that line would.

I think this short could be cool. Just re-think some things. I like the ending, very good, keep the ending for definite.

Hope I helped in any way. Good luck, well done, and keep writing.


I may be an idiot, but I'm no idiot.
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Posted: July 22nd, 2006, 8:56pm Report to Moderator

The story comes from your mind. So have fun!

Some where upstate New York
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I will do a re-write soon,


Gotta keep writing!

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