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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Watchmen Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: July 21st, 2006, 6:52am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Watchmen: Episode 1 by Matthew Orobko - Series, Thriller - Episode 01: "At Midnight, All The Agents...". Part one of a twelve part mini-series based on the brilliant graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. Watchmen tells the story of an alternate mid-80's New York where the world lies on the brink of a full-out nuclear WWIII and superheroes have been outlawed, causing many of them to be forced into early retirement. When The Comedian, an old superhero is murdered (followed by a series of other suspicious events), the others are called out of retirement to put and end to these sinister events... 25 pages - doc, format


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mattman
Posted: July 21st, 2006, 7:37pm Report to Moderator
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Haha, yes I'm still here. This Watchmen project is putting a heavy burden on me. I'm not sure if I should continue or not. I'm about halfway through epidsode 2 and am beginning to realize that my capabilities might not be doing the brilliant source material any justice.

At first I tried to write this as a feature film but because the graphic novel is so dense it seemed appropriate to turn it into a mini-series. I would like to follow the novel as close as possible because in many ways it is fine just the way it is.

Also, I am aware that in episode 1 there is a fairly major screw up near the beginning in which a character completely contradicts what location he is in. I read it through 3 times before submitting and stupid me didn't even notice it. It wasn't until I read it once through on the site that I noticed so please forgive me.

Feedback and constructive criticism is more than welcome. Thanks to everybody who reads!
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dogglebe
Posted: July 21st, 2006, 9:59pm Report to Moderator
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I think the biggest problem here is that you're trying to adapt the book too closely (I read it when it first came out).  While I'm not saying you should add or take away from the original story, you can change the pacing a little.  Each episode of the book should translate to more than 23 pages.  

You can even make it take place today, as opposed to twenty years ago.

Also, you have to break up the action a little bit.  You write a big block of it and then follow it up with a page of straight dialogue.  It reads like a radio play.

Oh, on page sixteen, you have Rorschach saying something that Adrain should be saying.


Phil
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Lon
Posted: July 25th, 2006, 7:08pm Report to Moderator
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I've been working on a script for Watchmen myself over the last month or so; I fully realize it's futile, but it's just a little side-project.  I'm also writing it as a mini-series, and have updated it to today.  The difference between the graphic novel and my adaptations, however, is that the "villain's" master plan (I won't drop character names for those who've not read it) isn't to unite the world with the threat of intergalactic warfare, but to unite the world by equipping a terrorist group with the necessities to crash a pair of planes into the World Trade Center buildings so that the United States as a whole would dismiss the misunderstandings and bigotry within itself to focus on the outer threat.  Naturally, his plan completely backfires.

At any rate...I read your script and all the things dogglebe points out pretty much sum up what I feel about your script.  I'll also add that though in the graphic novel there's a whole lotta talking going on, in the script it could be trimmed considerably.  Also, I'd drop all the f-bombs.  There's a time and place for them in many situations...but not in a Watchmen adaptation.  I may just be too nit-picky, but I don't think they fit.

Keep at it.  I'm interested in seeing what else you do with it.

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dogglebe
Posted: July 26th, 2006, 9:14am Report to Moderator
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Matt, you have something like five scripts of yours here, but you haven't posted a single comment on anyone else's work.  All your posts are you thanking others for reading your work.  Why is this?


Phil
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Lon
Posted: July 28th, 2006, 11:03am Report to Moderator
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Not trying to steal mattman's thunder, but I'm submitting my version of Watchmen: At Midnight, All The Agents... today.  Interested in seeing how his versions and mine adapt the same material.
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