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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  One Night in a Bar Moderators: bert
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  Author    One Night in a Bar  (currently 893 views)
Don
Posted: August 11th, 2006, 9:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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One Night in a Bar by Ian Austin (chilli) - Short - This story is set a few years after the events of 'Tomorrow'... and concerns a chance encounter in a bar between Tina and John (who in 'Tomorrow' were 'The Guy' and 'The Girl.'). It's a poignant look at how some things change, while others don't.  8 pages - pdf, format


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Takeshi
Posted: August 20th, 2006, 5:32am Report to Moderator
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Technically this was good; the format was fine and the dialogue flowed well. I found the relationship between John and Tina interesting and it left me wanting more. So I actually went and read "Tomorrow", but alas, it was just a film clip, but it did enlighten me. Tina was happily involved with John, but slept with another guy when she was drunk and got pregnant to him; this ended her relationship with John, yeah?

Now that you've written this follow up to “Tomorrow”, perhaps you could go back and insert the characters' names, to cut down on confusion, although, that would probably be inappropriate for the first story, as their names are never used in it.  

I'll check out the next installment of this story when you post it. Do you have idea when that might be?

One slight formatting issue; you forgot to capitalize John’s name when you introduced him.

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Takeshi  -  August 20th, 2006, 8:09am
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Chilli
Posted: August 23rd, 2006, 2:45am Report to Moderator
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Kirk to... Spock, please... warp factor... five!

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That's a good grasp of what happened.

Installment wise... I don't have a timeline. I had the vague idea of how to follow up 'Tomorrow', and I have a vague idea how to follow up this.

Not sure when. But probably not for a while.
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