SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 3:32am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Tommy's Ghosts Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 11 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Tommy's Ghosts  (currently 979 views)
Don
Posted: August 11th, 2006, 9:41pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Tommy's Ghosts by Ron Gannon - Short, Action - A ghost from the 1940's haunts a house.  And he’s not alone. Rated R for nudity and adult language.  9 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Takeshi
Posted: August 19th, 2006, 2:27am Report to Moderator
Guest User



This is a pretty interesting script Ron.

SPOILERS

In the beginning I was wondering what the hell Harry Trueman had to do with it, but then when Hitler’s ghost turned up it made sense. I also enjoyed the way Tommy mocked the ghosts and gave the audience a little run down about them, whilst preparing to torch the place.

The only bit that lost me was the scene on the swings, after the baby got killed; it was unclear how long after the incident this was. For a minute I thought it must have been the next day and perhaps the baby was fine, so, yeah, it was a little confusing. Perhaps you could insert a card between those two scenes, saying three months later or something,

All in all I thought you breathed a bit of fresh air into a fairly stale genre.

Page 1 typo; A WELL DRESSED MEN etc. Should read; A WELL DRESSED MAN etc.

Logged
e-mail Reply: 1 - 3
ron gannon
Posted: August 20th, 2006, 8:05am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
5
Posts Per Day
0.00
Chris,

Thanks for the read and review of Tommy’s Ghosts.

Originally I had two men standing in front of the desk. After I deleted one, I forgot to change men to man. Thanks for pointing that out.

It was the next day.  I deleted some dialogue about an ambulance and a police car being in front of the house the preceding night. Thanks for the super impose suggestion. I’ll give that some thought.

Thanks again.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
darthbrion
Posted: August 22nd, 2006, 12:03pm Report to Moderator
New


I'm seriously troubled.....

Location
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Posts
132
Posts Per Day
0.02
Okay I just finished your short so here I go with the review stuff.

* SPOILERS! *

* Hitler was one of the ghosts?  lol Weird enough to be kinda cool.
* I caught one or two typos, one was like "men" instead of "man" I think.
* You had a lot of stuff happening right on top of each other.  Maybe if it were more spread out and gave the characters a chance to establish themselves it wouldn't seem like a scare a second.
* Tommy goofing on the ghosts - good stuff.
* I was lost at the first.  Who was Truman talking to?  An agent to kill the real Hitler?  

Overall a fun, if odd read.

I hope this helps.
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006