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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Hailey's Star Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: August 11th, 2006, 9:43pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Hailey's Star by Spencer McDonald - Short, Romantic Comedy - A mystical college girl struggles to get home for a family  emergency and finds herself hooked up with a self destructive frat boy from hell. - pdf, format


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Helio
Posted: August 13th, 2006, 2:10pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hey Mc. Nice job, man! Very touching short story I have seen here in SS. I think just one scene is so exaggerated. It was that one in the check out of counter. It was just a lighter not a torch of fire! Well done, dude! Who knows you try to extend it into a feature? Good luck and congratulations!
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ReaperCreeper
Posted: August 13th, 2006, 5:16pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, this was a very cool short! But I think you could make it a feature legth. It would be so much more touching and so much better.

Like there would be much more of a build-up to where he gives her his gift and it would be a lot more effective.

Good work, I really enjoyed it! The only downside for me is that it left me wanting more.

Can't wait to read anymore scripts of yours.

P.S--I really liked your descriptions. Short, sweet, and clear on what you want. I'm an amateur writer and I just can't seem to stop overwriting my descriptions and my action paragraphs.

--Julio
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