Slit by c. jarrell gentry (jarrell1203) - Short - This is a story of a woman's descent into insanity. It's "Basic Instinct" meets "Fatal Attraction." 21 pages - pdf, format

Let me know if you're here, Jarrell, otherwise I won't any comments.


Phil

yeah, I'm here.

Reviewing other people's work, or atleast letting them you're actually here, will get your script read faster.

On to the script....

I had two problems with this script.  The first was that it was rushed.  The story could be stretched out to feature length and, given the story, should be.  I got the impression that it was rushed because you didn't develope the characters as well as they could be.  I know that this can be difficult in shorts but if no one cares about the character then one will care what happens to the character.

The other problem concerns your dialogue.  It's too on-the-nose.  All the characters go straight to the point, immediately telling us what we have to know.  

A good example of this happens at the art gallery when Ezekial approach Candice and says:  "I had to come take a closer look at this piece and attempt to hold a conversation with the beautiful woman who has the sad expression on her face."  You just dropped the entire situation on our laps in one sentence.  Outside of people giving speaches, no one talks this direct.  Work your way up to thing.

As I said earlier, I like the story.  I just think it needs to be fleshed out.


Phil

thanks phil, its funny you said that because i'm actually working on the feature length form of this short. I did it because i wanted to send a friend a short version of what i'm working on. thank you for the input, i will be posting the feature length version of the story on this site soon, so i will be looking forward to your opinion.