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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Anthology of Shorts Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: September 16th, 2006, 9:02am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Anthology of Shorts: Part 1 by Matthew Chisholm & Alex Cooper - Short, Abstract - An anthology of short scripts from participating writers Matthew Chisholm and Alex Cooper. These short scripts are a bizarre and twisted look into a strange world where coincidence is lethal, dreams are deadly and when it rains, nothing gets wet. The short stories include Mobile Phone, The Curious Case of Ian McGraw, Snow Globe, The Dream Disease, Kathy Keyboards and The Holiday. 30 pages - html, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

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Don  -  September 24th, 2006, 9:38pm
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darthbrion
Posted: September 16th, 2006, 12:29pm Report to Moderator
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Hey!  Just finished your short anthology I thought for the most part it was a fun read  

* SPOILERS *

*Some of your action is in large paragraph blocks.  It might help to try to break some of these up for a cleaner page.
* I found a couple of typos and such here and there.  As well as some confusing lines of action, as if you left a word out or something.
* Loved the first story, it reminded me of the classic black & white Hitchcock shows that used to play on TV.  It also had a flair or the old EC comics to it.
* The second was a fun read but it left me wondering "Huh?" at the end.  Where did the "visitors" come from?
* Snow Globe was so so for me.  I think that the child was just anxious for his father to get up and get downstairs, thus his actions.  But I could be waaaaaaaaaaay off. lol
* I didn't like Kathy Keyboards.  Perhaps it was just to abstract for me.  I'll be the first to admit I'm not the brightest crayon in the box.
* Ditto with the Dream Disease.  Although I loved the dream sequences.  And the French Frog  
* Holiday was another favorite of mine.  While I liked the story, I had wished for a more chilling end to the woman.  (I'm weird that way)  The story reminded me of a news story I once saw about a man who died in his apartment only to be eaten by his dog.  

Overall a fun read, and while I didn't fully understand some of the stories I enjoyed it as a whole.  Great job!
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chism
Posted: September 16th, 2006, 6:13pm Report to Moderator
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Hey darthbrion,

Thanks a bunch for your comments. I really do appreciate them and I'm sure that my writing partner will as well. Yes, there are a few spelling error things here and there but I am just too darn lazy to go through and get them all out.

I've just logged on and seen some of the truly horrible formatting that was done to the script. I've posted off a txt version of the script, so hopefully it will be up in html within a week or so. Until then, if you just increase your paper margins then you'll be okay.

And concerning the Holiday, thank you for the little bit about the dog. I'm rewriting it for an assignment in my English class so I might slip in that bit about the dog, give everyone a good grossing out lol. And don't worry, I'm weird that way too.

Anywho, thanks again for the comments and I hope to read some more in the next few days. Keep 'em coming, guys.


Cheers, Chism.
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Alex J. Cooper
Posted: September 16th, 2006, 10:55pm Report to Moderator
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Appreciation, appreciation, Thats for commenting on the shorts.


Shorts:
I Named Him Thor
Footloose, Cut Loose
Tainted Milk
Marshmallows
Confucius & The Quest For Nessie
Wondrous Presentation
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chism
Posted: September 21st, 2006, 8:24am Report to Moderator
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Come on guys, some comments would be nice.

Me and my writing partner need some feedback, should we ever do an Anthology of Shorts Part II.  


Cheers, Chism
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Scoob
Posted: October 8th, 2006, 7:03pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Chism,
I wrote down a few things as I was reading Anthology Of Shorts and hope they can be of some use to you.


MOBILE PHONE -
The description of using camera angles or any mention of a camera is probably not the best way to write what we are seeing. I personally don't mind it - but I beleive it is apparently a sin in screenwriting. ( I notice this happens frequently throughout so I wont mention it any more from here on in )
This one left me confused . I was waiting for a twist and if there is one I didnt get it.  It seems the mobile phone is responsible for waking the MAN up at the start and then he plays no part in the incident that happens with the drivers that hit the hobo. But then the end, a mobile goes off in the crashed car and a voice asks for the name of one of the ambulance drivers. I guess there is a twist in here somewhere and maybe I need to reread this one again.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF IAN MCGRAW
This was also interesting, well written and a good read. But again, I was slightly confused at the ending. I still don't know the relevance of the racial comments at the start. I was waiting for a twist - a payoff - but it never came. Im thinking these stories may all turn out to be relevant in the end at the final story. I hope so! As it is now, they are interesting and having the astronauts fall to earth was great and completly bizarre. But there was no ending so to speak, just a feeling of "well, what was the point of that?"  
Again, maybe I missed something but I read over it again and I dont think I missed anything.

SNOW GLOBE
First page was written very well, if not maybe too much storylike. I like it. The feel of Xmas is caught well in the descriptions.
The VIEW ON MAN - I was hoping this would lead us back to the 1st story or atleast give us some indication you were going to tie everything up together.
My take on this one is that the boy is a ghost and he unintentionally kills his father at the end. Probably the one that makes most sense and with a twist at the end. Very short but good.

THE HOLIDAY
Written very well as all of the stories have been so far. I guess as in a comic book, or the bizarre but interesting world you have us here, things that happen - just happen. Nothing wrong in that if thats what you want to do with this. But I might suggest the endings have a twist? Again If Im wrong then I'd love for you to let me in what they are.

KATHY's KEYBOARDS
Interesting start - quite odd and funny. Kathy says "Will your mind"  - I think you mean "Will you mind".
YOUR is definitly a bizarre name.
That's it?

THE DREAM DISEASE
Enjoyable, probably liked this one the most. Good details, and well written.



This opening story sets the trend for the next five in they all follow in the same vein. It took me well into the third story before I realised none of these short tales are following any kind of plot so much as it is a series of sketches. Almost like a comic book. Kind of.
All six tales follow in the way they read - and this is obviously how you both planned them.
I guess this comes across as something I might have seen on THE RAY BRADBURY THEATER - there were some very strange stories sometimes and on occasions, had no real meaning to them. They were just tales to be told. This is what I feel about what you have here. Some very interesting ideas and creative work. My only dissapointment is in there is no reward at the end of each story.




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chism
Posted: October 11th, 2006, 7:54am Report to Moderator
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Scoob,

Thank you very much for your comments. They are greatly appreciated by me and my writing partner on these little scripts. I'll let Ape speak for his scripts, but I'll try and answer some of the questions you had about mine.


Quoted Text
THE CURIOUS CASE OF IAN MCGRAW
This was also interesting, well written and a good read. But again, I was slightly confused at the ending. I still don't know the relevance of the racial comments at the start. I was waiting for a twist - a payoff - but it never came. Im thinking these stories may all turn out to be relevant in the end at the final story. I hope so! As it is now, they are interesting and having the astronauts fall to earth was great and completly bizarre. But there was no ending so to speak, just a feeling of "well, what was the point of that?"  
Again, maybe I missed something but I read over it again and I dont think I missed anything.


No, you missed nothing. The racial slurs at the beginning are simply there because the town of Borderville, Texas in that year was extremely racist. They didn't appreciate African-Americans or Jewish people, and that's all there is to it. I think that you're reading too far into the ending. It means absolutely nothing, but it is the whole point of the story. It was just something weird, you were supposed to come away scratching your head and going "huh?"


Quoted Text
THE HOLIDAY
Written very well as all of the stories have been so far. I guess as in a comic book, or the bizarre but interesting world you have us here, things that happen - just happen. Nothing wrong in that if thats what you want to do with this. But I might suggest the endings have a twist? Again If Im wrong then I'd love for you to let me in what they are.


No, there are no twists or hidden messages or anything. What you see is what you get. Basically, the scripts are all taking place in a world that isn't quite our own. It's a different kind of existence, entirely seperate from our ideas and, for lack of a better term, our grasp of logic. The world is kind of comic-bookish. It's supposed to be bizzare and interesting.


Quoted Text
THE DREAM DISEASE
Enjoyable, probably liked this one the most. Good details, and well written.


Thank you very much. This is my favourite one as well. I love dream stuff, I think its really expressive. One of my favourite episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is Restless (04x22) where all of the characters are dreaming, and that was definately a big influence on this script. If you haven't seen it, check it out, even if you're not a big Buffy fan. It's a wonderful piece of writing and directing from Joss Whedon. How that show got passed over for Emmys with episodes like Restless and The Body is completely beyond me.

Anyway, Scoob, thanks for the read. I'm glad that you had fun with some of your scripts and I'll see if I can get Ape to make an appearence on here and comment on some of the stuff you said about his work.


Cheers, Chism.
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Alex J. Cooper
Posted: October 11th, 2006, 8:32am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scoob

MOBILE PHONE -
The description of using camera angles or any mention of a camera is probably not the best way to write what we are seeing. I personally don't mind it - but I beleive it is apparently a sin in screenwriting. ( I notice this happens frequently throughout so I wont mention it any more from here on in )
This one left me confused . I was waiting for a twist and if there is one I didnt get it.  It seems the mobile phone is responsible for waking the MAN up at the start and then he plays no part in the incident that happens with the drivers that hit the hobo. But then the end, a mobile goes off in the crashed car and a voice asks for the name of one of the ambulance drivers. I guess there is a twist in here somewhere and maybe I need to reread this one again.




A lot of friends i showed this to didnt get it. the phone in the car is the same phone in the room, the man actually throws it from his window and that wat smashes into the car windshield. I've ellaborated more on this since then. As for the camera angles and such i know now not to use them.

Same applies for others and with the Kathy Keyboards one i was struggling to think of something, hence it being so damn short.

Thanks for reading.


Shorts:
I Named Him Thor
Footloose, Cut Loose
Tainted Milk
Marshmallows
Confucius & The Quest For Nessie
Wondrous Presentation
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chism
Posted: October 11th, 2006, 10:52am Report to Moderator
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It's great to see that this is finally getting some interest. It's been up for a while now and we weren't really getting much of a response. But now some feedback has come in, so it's pretty cool. Hopefully one day there'll be an Anthology II, but don't hold your breath, folks.


Cheers, Chism.
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