First of all, Book Antigua in bold or not, is just plain wrong anywhere in a script.
“FADE IN, WIDE SHOT OF A LONELY ROAD, NIGHT:”
Should just be
FADE IN:
EXT. ROAD – NIGHT
“HOODMOUNT, CAR:”
Don’t tell us where the camera is. Only tell us what we see.
DON’T center the dialogue!
EXT, SIDE OF THE ROAD:
We see the car pass the camera and drive up the driveway.
Should be:
EXT. ROAD – NIGHT
Skip the we see’s.
“EXT CABIN, LATER THAT NIGHT:”
EXT. CABIN – LATER
INT BEDROOM, CABIN, CONTINUOUS:
Moonlight shines through the window as Liz hops into bed with Leo. They start making out, which leads to them making love.
What’s with the continuous? They aren’t going anywhere.
I appreciate you not being too graphic here, but I think you may have gone too far to the other end. This might actually be one of the least exciting sexscenes I’ve ever read.
“INT BEDROOM, MUCH LATER:”
How will we know it’s much later?
“The camera pans around to reveal an empty bedroom. It trucks through the bedroom door into the hallway, revealing an empty bathroom, and an eerie hallway. It trucks down the staircase to the living room, which is also dark, and reveals the fireplace.”
Leave the camera directions out of the script and wtf does trucks through mean?
Why is Liz face down dead in the tub? Did I miss something?
MONTAGE:
The burning living room, Leo trying to find water, Leo and Liz making love, Leo and Liz entering the house, the flames engulfing the staircase, the upstairs hallway, the flames engulfing the bathroom, burning Leo to death.
This is terrible!
Why did you submit this? This isn’t very good at all. Your other script was so much better. I want to help you, but this one needs more help and support than I can give.
I'm sorry,