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unfortunately there are. This story is based on a friend of mine real character. By chance, she's the only I know around me, but she's very sweet.I'm making fun of her, but tenderly. I hope you can feel it in my story (as in the other one "Kiki and kisses")
Some funny moments in your short. For me, however, this story jumped throgh major blocks of time. For example; how can you crash your car, find true love, a marriage proposal-acceptance, then time to get drunk before the cops show up. Needs more pacing. You might have your character become anomored with each other and simply walk away from the crash with goo-goo eyes to a nearby park where they pop open the bubbly, get highly drunk, then agree to marriage after a steamy roll in the pine cones under a big tree. One more thing. When you describe the guy you say he is like a surfer model in a magazine with black hair. Could happen and most surfer models from california are blonde. Keep writing and I will keep reading.
I think your missing the point of the ending, well as far as I can see anyway. I think the whole point of the proposal and subsequent alcohol is so Toni will be drunk when the police arrive and thus placing blame on her for the accident.
I think that's right?
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
I thought I'd read something short, so this one caught me.
I will say I was a little thrown off when it ended rather abruptly, but then after thnking about it, I got the joke. I thank you for not just giving it away but forcing us to consider what just happened. Since it is like a joke, I'll forgive a lot of the oddities that went on such as the improptu proposal and Toni's warped driving style.
You had some grammar issue here and there, but it wasn't to distraction. You do need to continue to work on your English so the dialogue isn't so stilted. Overall, it wasn't a bad job.
This was a charming little short. Didn't have too many grammer or spelling problems, but there were a few errors here and there and the dialogue was a little wooded and stilted in places, as George said above.
Overall, a nice job. It does exactly what a good script should do: entertain. Congratulations.
You had some grammar issue here and there, but it wasn't to distraction. You do need to continue to work on your English so the dialogue isn't so stilted.
Yes George I know. That's why I keep on writing even for those kind of silly jokes. Bert once told I was improving my English. I'm doing my best.