The Bomb by Matt Lyden (theusualsuspect) - Short, Drama - Two bomb experts are called in to defuse a bomb in a high rise office building. Tension rises when they disagree with which wire to cut...but time is ticking and they must soon decide. 6 pages - pdf, format

You did a good job with it - your formatting was there and you obviously proof-read. All in all a good screenwriting excercise.

I say excercise because while I was reading this, all that came to my mind is how many times I have seen this scenario. And on a few lines I was thinking, I've heard this before. I didn't really see a lick of anything original in it.

If you are going to do something like this - try to breathe some originality into it.  I know you tried to with the end but I even felt a bit of deja vu(view) then.

pg whatever
Rick stood back - Rick stands back

SPOILER SPACE

I find Chuck's attitude crippling to the story.  Picking a wire at random to snip is, at best, reckless.  These guys go to school to learn how to diffuse bombs.  They don't go with hunches.

The bickering between the two characters made the story about them and not the bomb.  It was a distraction.


Phil

You know I was thinking the same thing. This is a story that has been done again and again. If it was an exercise -- great job. The ending was a bit predictable.

Spencer

This was a decent read but could've been better. I like that you give the characters some background. Without it, this would've just been a story about defusing a bomb, which has been done millions of times before. It's a good story for a short but a tired one nevertheless.

Still, with only two minutes before the bomb goes off, I can't, for the life of me, understand why these characters would be talking about anything other than the bomb. There simply isn't time to bring up the past. Also, if these guys are in the bomb defusing business, this should be a walk in the park. Perhaps if it was a new kind of bomb that they'd never seen before, it'd be more logical that they wouldn't know which wire to cut.

In short, I'd say extend the time they have until the bomb goes off. That'd give some time for character development but try to keep the arguing to a minimum. There's still a bomb and it's these guys' job to defuse it. That's their number one priority. I'd also suggest you throw a twist in regarding the bomb so as not to make your characters look incompetent.

All in all, not bad but needs work. Hope this helps.

It was just a quick write up exercise that I did for a project, since I was having writer's block on another script of mine.