The Resignation by Matthew Orobko - Short, Comedy - A man quits his job. <15 pages - doc, format

This one followed the theme alright, and I liked the lawn scene. That was funny.
I was kind of like "what?" about the story though.
I thought he was a factory worker or something the way she talked about him pushing buttons all day...
I wanted to stop reading when she started talking about what she does, too (her language put me off) but I wanted to see where it would lead.

You did get the script completed though. So good for you.

Cindy

Like Cindy, I ended up being a little confused as to where the button thing actually came into play once his actual job is revealed.

Why did you bother to give Marlene a name, but then keep the main character as Man?  Seems kinda strange considering this story only involves two characters.

The only thing I can really say falls into comedy here is the car on the lawn, other than that it's just random talk.  I dodn't know if there was supposed to be humor in the fact that Marlene was a prostitute, but for me it just wasn't there.

Hate to jump on the bandwagon but I just wasn't feeling the comedy.  Marlene's dialogue was extremely offputtingly unpleasant and shooting the cat, even as black comedy, didn't come across as that funny either.

Knob waxing and cat killing. PETA (not Pia) where are you?

Sorry your story was not funny. And, I believe the contest was to write a comedy about telling the ball and chain you got fired.

Language?  Maybe the woman could use all those F words, especially if she is a common ho. Oh yeah, that reminds me... Go read "HO HO HO."

If I could make TWO observations.

1. Try not to use the word "is". Through out the action scene up front you over use this word and it seems like a crutch. and...

2. Write it, let it sit two day, and rewrite it. Betch it will be loads better.

Hey its a quick one weeker. You did ok.

Spencer

There wasn't much comedy in there and the story felt a bit confused.  I don't know why you didn't name MAN - that caused part of my confusion.  

I didn't care for this one. The descriptions were off-putting, like "Marlene is upset", "the man is upset". How are they upset? How can we see they are upset?

And the dialogue was very forced. I had a hard time believing anyone would refer to 'pulling the trigger' as "pushing a button". So when the punchline came it didn't work for me.

A lot the humor or what was supposed to be funny was about sucking dick, which can be funny, here it seems it was just there for shock value. Way too many "fucks" as well.

The lawn scene was good, but overall this read like it was written in 10 minutes.

Call me one sick SOB, but I kinda like this entry.
Yeah, there are problems all over the front seat, but it does have a certain dopey quality that made me smile.
With that said, I should qualify that I would have liked this sicko piece better with some changes:

Some if not all of the conversation taking place as Marlene is doing some john in his car.
And the unseen john just moaning the whole way.
And then by the story's end, the john fires his shot -- the mobster way, with a bullet to the guy's head.
Something quirky like that.

Oh well. I was amused.

I didn't like this one. The jokes seemed to be recycled versions of those from the other entries all thrown together in one script. I know this isn't your fault but still, it gets tiring to read the same thing over and over again. I also suspect this was written in haste. Character names such as MAN and WOMAN are indicative of this. The jokes just seemed to whiz by without any time for them to sink in and the prostitute angle was played out by the end of the script. I think if a little more time had been spent on this one, it could've been much better... or, at least, decent.

Hey Matthew,

This didn't do anything for me. First of all it wasn't funny (I guess the only thing that made me smile was the car on the lawn) and it felt like it was thrown together rather quick. You didn't name your main characters and you should really do that. No one's gonna care about MAN and WOMAN, it makes them sound like objects instead of persons.

Also, I didn't like the writing. You use pretty much only passive verbs instead of active verbs. Lose all the is's and are's and you'll see that the story moves along much smoother.

Back to the drawing board.

Cheers
Rob