1) Imported into a screenwriting program, this ran 145 pages! Romantic comedies (if that's what this is) are not supposed to be two and a half hours long. Duh.
2) Nothing like good clear prose: "His room is somewhat of a mess, but there is an order to this chaos." Either it's messy or it's not. Decide.
3) "As we pan across the room we see..." and "CLOSEUP ..." -- NO CAMERA DIRECTIONS or shots or anything to indicate the presence of a camera or an audience. In a spec script, everything is present tense as if we IN THE STORY, not watching it on a screen.