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BioDad by Keith Clemens (keys) - Series - Twin girls aspire to work for their father's newspaper as journalists after high school, but their father insists on years of colleges first. The girls inadvertently discover their parents used a sperm donor and meet their biological dad who is a carefree hippie in the likes of the Dude from The Big Lebowski. Their Biodad influences them to pursue their journalism. Ultimately the girls get published by arranging for their Biodad to get a job at the newspaper as a journalist. Work produced by the girls is submitted by Biodad as his own. 58 pages - pdf, format
Question: Is the first episode or another installment in a series? If it is the first episode, then you have to INTRODUCE your characters.
INT. MANSION - KITCHEN - DAY The kitchen is spacious and luxurious. CAROLINE is placing photos in frames. The photos are high school graduation portraits of twin girls and other graduation group shots. Reginold enter the kitchen.
Who is Caroline? The maid? A visitor from Mars? Who is Reginold (should be spelled Reginald)? Where is this "mansion?" The U.S.? Peru? Mars? etc., etc...
"It's just a rehash of something that wasn't very good to begin with. I found it flat and trite..." Sunset Boulevard (1950).
Bryan, thanks for the pointers. It is the 1st episode. This is my first writing project so I've undoubtedly overlooked some obvious things. I've taken your advice and gotten the introductions more explicit from the start. Before, I figured by page 2 the reader should know the location by talking about UCLA and home, and who the characters are should be clear. But I guess why have any doubt in the reader's mind, I may lose them by page 1 if they feel it's some confusing riddle.
It's good. It's a great premise, likable characters, good dialogue, it's all around a well written script.
Bryan's right, though, it's missing some basic things, including character introductions. You should also include acts in your script. I might wrie some more notes later.