All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
28 by Kaiman Lycurgus - Sci Fi - It's about a graphic novelist who creates this character named Hybrid when she was thirteen and every five years on her birthday, the creation ask if she wants it power. She has denied twice and now at age of twenty-eight. It comes again, however, she might need to accept the power. 96 pages - doc, format
EXT = exterior, so we already know we're outside. You need to be more specific.
Quoted Text
Hey Cass, it’s me. I wanted to let you know that your uncle is dead. I know you’re not going to shred any tears but you might want to now. There’s blood everywhere, it’s like whoever did it took out every organ and threw it everywhere, literally. I know it wasn’t you. You have an alibi at the time of the murder you were with me. Anyway, give me a call.
Nobody speaks like this - you're using the character to dump a load of plot information.
It'd probably be a lot better if you actually showed the murder taking place. It'd grab the reader far more than listening to a chunk of unnatural dialogue on an answering machine.
For the first 10 or so pages there's nothing to make we want to read on further. It's an interesting idea (though without the log line I'd little clue what was going on) but you need to look at other scripts to get a better idea of how to structure and write.
I think the script should have a strong story line as James says without the logline I would not know what is the story about . I cant make out when the writer is assuming her power and what type of war is it ? Is it between human and some alien forces I am not clear in this matter