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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Constantine 2 Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 29th, 2007, 10:18am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Constantine 2 by Christy Charles - Drama - John Constantine has seen God and he is back.  But this time as an ordinary man to be tried, tested and to fail in order to complete Satanís final triumph over God once and for all.  Satan wants John, mankind and the control of earth.   God has other plans..   God wants Satan.  And John?  John wants God.  He has seen her and having got a glimpse of her in all her beauty, he agrees to be played as a pawn in this last and ultimate chest game between Satan and God.  - pdf, format


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dogglebe
Posted: January 6th, 2008, 9:22am Report to Moderator
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As a long time John Constantine fan, I started reading this, Christy, but I had to put it down after a few pages.  Your formatting is completely off, making it very difficult to read.

Your header was improperly done.  Instead o:

BEACH FRONT SHACK WITH CHARM

you should write:

EXT.  BEACH FRONT SHACK.  AY

and then describe the scene in further detail.


You shouldn't list any songs you want played; it's not your job to pick them.  And never write the songs out.  No one wants to read songs when reading a script; they want to read story.

When writing the narrative/descriptions in a script, you only should write what the camera can record, basically, visuals and audio.  On the bottom of page one, you wrote:

Her stares out towards the sea and does a double take when
the thin air shapes into the form of a gorgeous black male,
ripping chest and abdominal muscles with a rogue smile smiling
lust and desire. The potential for wanton and exquitisite
satisfaction. She is completely taken in by his smile and
physics that she forgets the impossibility of what she just
saw actually happening. (We on the other hand know that we
are in the company of Satan.)


How does the camera record the whole physics and impossibility thing?  He must have a helluva smile!

We, on the other hand, know we are in the company of Satan?  How do we know that?  Obviously, the guy who appears out of smoke is not your normal guy, but we don't know who he is.  John Constantine's world is filled with demons and other magical creatures.  How would we know that this one is Satan?

In the second page, you describe him as changing into the:

form to the last we saw in Constantine. White man, white
suit, leacherous smile.


If someone reading this script didn't see the movie Constantine, then they have no idea what you are talking about.  And you've lost them.  When writing a sequel, you have to assume that no one saw it.  Telling us that we know things from part one doesn't wash.

I got the impression, from the few pages that I read, that your only experience with the character of John Constantine is from the movie.  I've read practically every comic book that the character appeared in and I don't believed that God ever shows up in a story.  He usually sends his angels to Earth to serve him.

On page four, you wrote that John is not gay.  In fact, he is bisexual.

I suggest you hit the comic shops and pick up some copies of Hellblazer and learn what John is really like.  Writing a sequel to a really bad film is not a good thing to do.

Also, read some scripts here and learn about formatting.  See what to include and what to throw away when writing a scene.


Phil
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