Grounded by T. J. Hundtofte (deathmonkey) - Short - An attention-starving 12-year-old girl must compete for her parents' unconditional concern at the dinner table. 7 pages - pdf, format

Okay, everybody write exactly what you wrote before!

No? Well at least Rob and I are in this together...sorry about Cotton and Corn getting deleted too.

Yeah I will stand as your witness and say that this short did get some postive reviews before the second big crash and collaspe of the SS discussion board. (where were you during the devastation?)  
I too also enjoyed this script. Great dialouge between the parents and the daughter.

It felt more like one scene from a feature and if you where ever considering it I would be the first to read it. The adventures of an emo brat sounds like fun to me.  

I was a bit confused with the second last dioluge at the end. Was what Morgan said true or  was it a last ditch attempt to get the focus on her?


But yeah great script and reminded me of all the bite and venom you used to get between Rosanne and Darleen in the Rosanne sitcom. I miss that show so much.  

I liked this T.J., everything about it was pretty good.  I found the characters believable and the dialogue well-crafted, I even got a few chuckles out of it.  My only issue with it was that rather than a short it seemed like a portion of a much larger script.  Though it came to a conclusion, it gave a feeling that there was more to come. Whether you choose to expand on this premise or not, I thought it was well done.

Quoted from Death Monkey Okay, everybody write exactly what you wrote before! No? Well at least Rob and I are in this together...sorry about Cotton and Corn getting deleted too.

My masterpiece "Unprotected Sex" got lost too. Don posted it again, but I'm not sure that's doing these boards any good.

Regarding your script, I don't remember exactly what I had written earlier. I liked it, but thought  the parents could have been a little "wilder" than getting stoned at Live Aid.

Great dialogue.

PS. Have fun in Ireland.

Hey TJ

Great read. Good dialgoue. I expected more emotion from the 12 year old daughter so it could lead up to the last scene. And more altercation between the 12 year old and the parents. That's pretty much what I could remember.

Gabe

Awesome.

A very simple premise but wonderfully executed.

Each character had its own voice according to age and gender. And the dialogue was very funny.

The only criticism I could make is that the piece almost feels like a sitcom since it’s very dialogue driven and there ain’t much visuals to carry the story.

But heck, I still enjoyed it a lot. Very well done.

this was a very pleasant read.  like someone mentioned, there really isn't a lot of action, but you are good with dialogue.  i do feel the end could pack more of a punch, but i guess it's an inherent limitation of having a strong dialogue piece.  but it was enjoyable.

Hey  Tonka, McCornetto, Pia, Gabe, Mr. Z and dkw

Thanks a lot for reading and leaving (new) feedback! Sorry it took me so long to give thanks, but I sort of assumed the site would be down for a bit of time so I diodn't do my daily sweep of the site.

All your comments have een catalogued and will be examined and scrutinzed if a rewrite happens (which it might).

Pia: Ah so you know the pain of being deleted too. Thanks, I'll try my best to have fun!

Hey TJ, I don't you just hate it when your good feedback gets lost?  I thought I'd just leave a little note that I found this a very funny story and the dialogue was amusing.  I think, if I remember correctly, that my only small issue was with the parents actions not being bad enough, I think Pia mentioned that too?  Anywho this was a good read and enjoyed it.

I left feedback on this script before the SS Armageddon.

I can't remember what I said word for word, but it was probably something about how the script shows you have a mother complex and probably a deep seated desire to either kill your father or tickle him with a feather duster while wearing pink latex speedos.


Probably.

I had posted it was generally a well written short that fades a bit instead of ending with a punch, however the dialogue was very sharp and funny. We all agreed J.K.Simmons IS the father.

And the Live Aid gag was icing on the cake - it was a nice, sly parody of getting stoned at Woodstock, since Live Aid was pretty much lame a$$ed as a cultural touchstone.

Hey TJ.

I read this a few weeks ago. I thought it was pretty funny. I must be getting old because I related to the dad. When banging his head against a brick wall didn't work he decided to bang it harder. Lol.

There were a few good one liners. I particularly liked the bit about the toilet water drinker.

However, I have a query on your synopsis. Shouldn't it be an attention starved 12- year-old-girl as opposed to an attention starving 12-year-old-girl?  Here in Australia the term is attention starved not attention starving.  

Let me re·it·er·ate (hard fucking word) here. Like I said before the meltdown, I thought this was an awful script with no basic plot or character development. The zombies were stale and lacked character, they came along as pretty much canon fodder. I liked the sexy porn babe though and I thought you could (and should) have given us a little more background about her. Alone the story on how she grew that extra tit would take this script to the next level...

What?

Okay okay, I'll try to stay serious for a second or two here. Good script. Good one liners (especially the Germ-line), good characters (Allie is an anoying pain in the ass little brat - but that's good, storywise), good setting.

OG - Original Goodness.

Peace out - A B C ya - put a stamp on it - fight the power - fuck tha police - supernigga - know what I'm saying?

Wow, thanks so much for all those who took the time to repost feedback!

And Rob, if you didn't like the zombie-tit you could've just kept your stupid mouth shut! That thing took months to come up with and you just shoot it down in a blink of an eye! You sit in your fucking tower, king of nay-sayers!


Chris: You might be right. Honestly, I don't even remember typing that.