A brief history of an Alcoholic by Stephen Brown (stebrown) - Short, Drama - Time goes by too quickly...especially when your life is an alcohol fueled blur. 5 pages - pdf, format

Hey Ste,

So basically you're saying, lay off the booze? This was a nice visual experience. I'm not sure about the whole point of the story though. To me it felt a little so and so, a life waisted - a moment of clarity. But if was nicely written.

Cheers
Rob

Thanks for the read Rob

Yeah, point of the story is just the whole cycle of an alcoholic. Start off having a great time with your friends then eventually it's just you and your drink.

I went mainly for the visuals with this one, just wanted it to have a cycle feel to it. Probably a quite depressing piece but what the hey. Pleased you enjoyed the experience.

Ste

Started reading this and thought it was about me lol.  The scene was right, the lager was right, Jesus the name was right but thankfully I don't stare at anyone in a pub...for fear of getting my head kicked in lol.

Anyway this was an interesting read Ste.  I agree with Rob that viually this was good but I liked the story too.  A nice, if slightly gloomy, look into life.  I'm not sure what Alfie's so worried about though, he drink's like a fish and still makes it to 75!

Haha, it would have started with 'A smoggy night sky hangs..." if it was about you mate

Alfy's had a pretty good innings I guess, reaching 75.

It's just kind of depressing sometimes the whole drink culture, especially in England, thought I'd try to show an aspect of it.

Thanks for checking it out.

Ste

Lol, I guess you're right about the smoggy bit but I don't drink in Middlesbrough, too many knob heads about.  I drink in my home town of Redcar.

Hi Ste,

Brief is the word alright. But I liked it. I liked the opening bit when Alfie was big noting about the situation with the police and how his mates were laughing about it. That's so typical of young blokes when they get on the drink together. But unfortunately for the alcoholic they keep doing that kind of stuff long after the back slappers have left them. It's then that brushes with the law start to seem pathetic rather than bold or funny. And your point about life just passing you by while you go through life in a booze fueled haze was a good one.

Cheers  

How dare you spread a bad message about my favourite social lubricant? Kidding asside, I think this was pretty good.

I liked the sudden aging of these characters, interesting surprise. And I liked the circular structure, how the ending hints the repetition of the story.

There’s more “message” than “plot” in here and I would have liked to see a more clear darmatic throughline. But overall, I think it worked.

Good job.

Thanks for the reads Chris and Z

I know what you mean about the more message than plot with this. Just couldn't really think of a way to get more 'story' into it.

I would never bad mouth drink haha it's more just a message of how when you see an old drunk in a bar you think 'ahh, that'll never happen to me', but it's easy to fall into that trap.

Pleased you both liked it. Get the round in.

Ste

Quoted from stebrown I would never bad mouth drink haha it's more just a message of how when you see an old drunk in a bar you think 'ahh, that'll never happen to me', but it's easy to fall into that trap. Ste

Indeed. Those winos you see sitting on park benches didn't start there.

The script was good. Two problems though. One, was Alfy smoking in the bar? Last time I checked there was a smoking ban here in England. Two, the 'dream sequence' isn't clearly stated. Even though I knew this was a break of continuity others might not. For example INT. BAR - DREAM and at the end of the sequence INT. BAR - PRESENT etc.  Apart from that I think it's fine.

Stephen,

Can't remember ever having read something of your's, so I decided to check this one out. I really liked it as a script, although I think it would work a lot better on film. It's very abstract and that kind of stuff is always more effective when its up on screen, but your descriptions made it pretty easy to visualise what you had in mind so it's not really a problem. I would love to see this get produced.

Good writing, a really strong message. I think you've got a good script here. Good work.

Thanks Chism/24 Grams

Yeah, there is a smoking ban but it's stupid innit? haha. Based on the dates on the gravestone - the start scene is set in the past. I don't usually go over-the-top to clarify points, such as a dream, unless it is unclear. That probably is wrong, but for a short like this if someone picked it up to produce. Like you, I'm pretty sure they'll know what I was meaning.
ps, It isn't a dream sequence but his drunken nights melding into one.

Thanks for your kind words chism, I'd like to see it produced too.

Ste

This is my 2nd short of yours i have read tonight and i must say i am becoming a fan of your work lol.

I have people i know and people in my family like Alfie or on the same path as Alfie, so this story hits home for me, as im sure alot of people can relate to these characters.

This to me would be a very good short film a good visual, easy to produce and its something people can relate too.

Yes without a doubt its more message then story which is usually something i hate but with a 5 page short on this subject matter i think it fits.

Very nice work this is easily something someone would want to produce.

Again very nice work.

Thanks for checking it out yaboy.
Pleased you enjoyed it. I'm trying to identify how a director pictures and works shots in order to improve my scripts. Really trying to get into the visual at the moment.
Ste