Up To Date by Stephen Hoover & L. A. Laird - Short, Comedy - Neal and Amy meet for a blind date in a bar.  The date soon becomes a nightmare as Amy runs into one ex after another.   8 pages - pdf, format

This was a cute little script.
I have some suggestions for you though.

I know you want to get right into the meeting and the dialogue between the two, but when Neal walks in how does he know Amy is Amy if he's never seen her before?
Maybe if you gave her a white rose to carry or something.

I think this script needs more description in it, too. Maybe facial expressions, Maybe Neal fiddles with something at the table while she talks to the others???

I was wondering how long Neal was going to sit there and not say anything, then he says "She's at the same number".
I thought that was cute, but what if he started felling inferior to these other men? Maybe cuffed his hand over his mouth, smelled his breath???
Stuff like that.

I thought it was a fitting ending the way things flipped, yet why would Amy tell someone that he was at the same number?
I think I'd get rid of that line.

It gave me a laugh,
Cindy

I agree, cute short. Some things I'd change, though. I'd give a little more lead-in. Maybe Neal's on the phone with the guy who set them up and she walks in. Saying what expectations he has or his previous girlfriend "got around". Act 1 was pretty much 2 lines. It works but goes too fast IMO.
I realize what you're doing here, but I'd like to see these guys be more flings to her. Fred mentioned being with her for three years. Three years seems like a long time for someone so young. Three years with this guy, married to another. It can happen, yes... and that's the comedy. Neal should ask how old she is towards the end, or something to that effect. I'd even like to see a suitor older than 30.
I like how the guys ignore Neal and don't even notice him. I expected one or two to make a comment about him, but it was nice that he was invisible. You should stress that the suitors don't even look at him. You can even have them talking over him completely.
Like Cindy, I didn't like that last line. Maybe for the punchline, Barbara could be an ex of Amy's.

Just thoughts... Overall, I liked it. Sound easy to produce, also. Keep it up.

Hello Stephen,

I liked your script.  It was funny.

I agree with the others where the Neal meets Amy for the first time needs to be fixed.  And the last line about Neal having the same number.  My thoughts were, how would Amy know?  Sounds funny but we all know this isn't right.  I think a smart retort from Neal to Amy would be best.  How about,  "Barbara's still mad I left the toilet seat up during the night".

Anyway, all the best.


Javier

This is just me talking but i would probably make it so there was some girls there that she used to date.