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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  American Star Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 14th, 2008, 5:15pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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American Star by Robert Timsah (btimsah) - Drama - Hollywood's hottest actor, Merrick Jennings has a secret. 89 pages - pdf, format


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btimsah
Posted: December 21st, 2008, 5:13pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for posting.  Just to give a little bit better synopsis -

American Star is the coming of age story of America’s hottest young actor, Merrick Jennings.  Under pressure from his father, himself and the media, Merrick enters some dark personal places only to come out on the other side to find true love and self-acceptance.  

If anyone has the time and enjoys a good love story, give it a shot.  Thank you.  
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Aaron
Posted: December 23rd, 2008, 10:06pm Report to Moderator
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AMAZING WORK!!! easily one of the best scripts i've ever read!!! man you have such a talent! that was so awesome-10/10. I loved the love story in this, there are so many parts that work, man-this thing was just incredible.

Great work!


Isle 10- A series I'm currently writing with my friend Adam and it will go into production soon. Think The Office meets 10 Items or Less.

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btimsah
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 2:26am Report to Moderator
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Thank you!  Glad to see others "get" my story. . .  The story is very personal to me, as I am gay and wanted to do the journey (GENUINE) we all go through justice and to tell it on a grand scale.

Now I just wanna see it published  
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bryan00009
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 8:43am Report to Moderator
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"Merrick Jennings has a secret..."  ???

  Jeez, I can see you must be an expert on Hollywood if you think that homosexuality is such a taboo subject.

Admittedly, I only skimmed the first few pages.  But you also write with WAY too many parentheticals (don't attempt to direct the movie or explain every little movement or line).  If the dialogue is effective, people will know how to interpret it.  Here's an exercise: go through the script and remove every single parenthetical.  Then go back and only insert them when it is absolutely impossible to understand what is being said without them.  

Then try coming up with a story idea that doesn't seem to have been concocted about 1960.  

Yeah, they say I'm harsh.  I call 'em like I see 'em.




"It's just a rehash of something that wasn't very good to begin with.  I found it flat and trite..."  Sunset Boulevard (1950).
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btimsah
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from bryan00009
"Merrick Jennings has a secret..."  ???

  Jeez, I can see you must be an expert on Hollywood if you think that homosexuality is such a taboo subject.

Admittedly, I only skimmed the first few pages.  But you also write with WAY too many parentheticals (don't attempt to direct the movie or explain every little movement or line).  If the dialogue is effective, people will know how to interpret it.  Here's an exercise: go through the script and remove every single parenthetical.  Then go back and only insert them when it is absolutely impossible to understand what is being said without them.  

Then try coming up with a story idea that doesn't seem to have been concocted about 1960.  

Yeah, they say I'm harsh.  I call 'em like I see 'em.




Heh, you call it like you see the first ten pages of it.  Oh and the "has a secret thing" is not in the script, it's just a logline.  I've already done away with it.  Here is the newer one that I like better;

American Star is about young Oscar nominee, Merrick Jennings.  He is currently the hottest young actor in Hollywood dating beautiful actress, Susan Johnson.  When Merrick meets openly gay writer Josh Nichols, outside of a gay club, this forces Merrick to deal with issues of self-hatred and homophobia on a very public stage.  With pressure mounting from his father and the media it leads Merrick down the path of pain, acceptance and eventual happiness.

Yes, I know I'm a parenthetical whore.
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