Love & Fresh Air Part I by Sandra Watson & George Willson (sandra e. & george willson)  writing as:  Anonymous and For Now - Short, Sci Fi - As the food shortage emerged, so did a new human genus called Indigo. Now a university professor bent on studying Indigo culture enters their temple for procreation purposes and not only falls in love, but for a plan to help kidnap The King's daughter. 15 pages - pdf, format

Well, given where this ends and the fact that you called it Part 1, I'm going to assume that there's more of this story to come at some point.  If that's the case, and I don't see why not, I would suggest going into the food shortage a bit more.  It doesn't seem to be all that prevalent here.

Then again, after the challenge, you won't have to abide by guidelines like that, so it's just a matter of going where the story takes you.  I think I've got a pretty fair idea of who the writers are on this one.

The writing was good, I just think this one was more about the whole procreation thing than the food supply.  It's highly possible that I missed something though, and once responses are allowed, maybe some light can be shed.

Hmmm...this one's written pretty well with only a few noticeable mistakes, which is good.  It's also very, very creative and original.  But other than that, I don't really care for it, as it's very hard to follow (it's such a big idea for a small amount of pages).  I don't like how none of the characters' ages are given...makes it really hard to "see" them.  Also confused about Reid's class (why don't they have a clue what's going on in the world?).  I don't feel it's fair to go over the page limit by 2 pages and then call it "Part 1", and have no real ending at all.

As it is now, I don't see it as an actual story, cause there's definitely no ending...not much of a beginning or middle, either.

i'm sorry but this isn't remotely close to the challenge theme. i understand the writers are making it longer but what was here doesnt work anyway. i'm not a fan of the fantasy genre much so this was tough reading.

I know exactly who wrote this...

I thought this was well written and that you had a good fantasy vibe going for you and it was quite creative and you really dived right into your universe and you just met the theme but...

There were far too many new things and too many characters for such a short piece.  It made it mucho hard to follow.  If I were a reader for a production company I would have to pass, why, because I had to read this more than once to get it.  Not good - should be clear on the first pass through.

Also, you went over the page count - very naughty.

I have not read any of the other posts...so I hope I'm not restating anything.

Here's my take.  What girl wouldn't like a story with a love story and I actually liked the "mating scene"   

Problem with this for me was too many characters and stories going.

I also think when we have a challenge that the rules of the challenge must be met...so the overage of pages is a problem for me....plus it's only half the story...

I DID like the Indigo's and the concept of drawing sustance through photosynthesis.  I think if you would have traveled down that road it could have been a lot better.

This was incredibly imaginative, no point even guessing the pair responsible for this. Not really one of my favorite genres but this was a pretty good read, if a little hard to get my head around at first.

Not much about the food shortage, I would have been better to tell us more about Gerg and what it was and how the food shortage came into being. But there was so much going on here, Kings and princesses, new race of humans, doggie style shenanigans - Quite mind boggling.

I would be interested to see the whole thing when it is posted (I assume it will be?) With a proper ending it would make much more sense as a story I guess.

Nice script though, the writing was superb and well done for thinking outside of the box and doing something different. Nice one.

I really enjoyed this. Probably the best writing and most imaginative script of the challenge (this is my last read).

However, you went two pages over the limit. Also, the food shortage wasn't the topic of this script, it was more about segregation or racism. It seemed to lack a complete ending too...is that part 2?

To so blatantly not meet the challenge is strange. I really did enjoy it though.

I thought this was...not very good. This script was extremely muddy, too many characters, too much irrelevant info and too little substance. The writer(s) tried to set up an elaborate world and, for what was meant to be a 15-pager, it's simply too big for this story - a story that doesn't fit the theme and actually feels like it was written before the challenge was issued.

Very inventive, tightly written and error-free. An interesting concept but only sort of dealt with a food shortage, it wasn't a main theme to the story. Maybe that comes in Part 2?

So, how can a man's voice have swagger? I wondered about this for a minute but couldn't really come up with anything.

I thought this had good character development, a clear conflict (even though it wasn't food related) and good dialogue and descriptions.

When we are able to reveal who wrote what I'd like to know if you intended the Reds and Indigos to differ in appearance, I imagined them different but the descriptions (I think) meant for them to be the same. Anatomically, at least.

James

Hey friends.

Thoroughly enjoyed that!  Good job.

Nothing really else to say.  I'm excited for the next part.

-Tyler

Quoted from James R So, how can a man's voice have swagger? I wondered about this for a minute but couldn't really come up with anything.

Think John Wayne.

Quoted from George Wilson Think John Wayne.

Got it.

I'm still not sure if I liked this one or not, maybe I'll know after part two. Anyway, this one has some solid writing and the story/world you've set up is an interesting one, too bad it didn't really follow the theme. Also, you guys went over the page limit. As a Two Week Challenge, you get poor marks but that won't stop me from checking out the second part.

Now, I'm off to grab some Gerg n' Noodles.

Quoted from Nixon I'm still not sure if I liked this one or not, maybe I'll know after part two. Anyway, this one has some solid writing and the story/world you've set up is an interesting one, too bad it didn't really follow the theme. Also, you guys went over the page limit. As a Two Week Challenge, you get poor marks but that won't stop me from checking out the second part. Now, I'm off to grab some Gerg n' Noodles.

Thank you for the read.

We did-- we totally screwed with the page limit.

George is such a damn good thinker I can't help but be thankful for working with him.

The most important thing here is that all women be thankful for their men...

Oh shoot...

I'm in the wrong story. ...

Slash that... I'm in several stories and have countless tabs open in the browser.

I think I'll go for some Gerg and noodles too. Or maybe I'll just go and catch some rays.