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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Pia's Package Moderators: bert
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  Author    Pia's Package  (currently 3031 views)
Don
Posted: April 22nd, 2009, 7:47pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Pia's Package by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Short, Comedy - One million dollars. Ten desperate men. One hot chick. Which are they more after, and how will they eliminate the competition? 28 pages - pdf, format


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mcornetto
Posted: April 22nd, 2009, 7:59pm Report to Moderator
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Well Sean,

I have to hand it to you.  That was some funny shit.  I'm not going to crit it because I know it was just for fun but it gave me such a laugh.  And BTW it's not how big your signature is that matters, it's how you use it.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 22nd, 2009, 8:06pm Report to Moderator
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I guess this means I'll have to make a revenge SS script.


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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Zombie Sean
Posted: April 22nd, 2009, 8:59pm Report to Moderator
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Wow, thanks for getting this up so quickly Don!



I had Pia and Jordan review over this because I just wrote it for fun (and I had also thought over the idea for about an hour until I came on here and realized that the whole genre and theme was a joke...), but Pia insisted that I posted it, so I did. I was afraid that it wouldn't go too well, considering I'm not too well with comedy, but I am very relieved to see that two people already like it (well, I don't know if Tyler likes it, but oh well...)


Michael: I'm glad it made you laugh And Re: your signature...That's true, but every time I scroll down, my cursor rolls over your signature, so then only your signature begins to scroll down, so I have to move my cursor out from over your sig, and continue scrolling. So much work...

Tyler: Do it.




Sean
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mcornetto
Posted: April 22nd, 2009, 9:07pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zombie Sean

And Re: your signature...That's true, but every time I scroll down, my cursor rolls over your signature, so then only your signature begins to scroll down, so I have to move my cursor out from over your sig, and continue scrolling. So much work...


Marketing rule #1: Once you've got them there, keep them there
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George Willson
Posted: April 22nd, 2009, 9:20pm Report to Moderator
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Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

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I'll take solace in the idea that I'm not so annoying that you want me killed off. Yay me.

That was pretty decent Sean. It's nice to see another SimplyScripts group script crop up.

And Michael...yeah, my scroll wheel hits your sig too. It's annoying.


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Zombie Sean
Posted: April 22nd, 2009, 9:49pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from mcornetto
Marketing rule #1: Once you've got them there, keep them there


Thanks for putting a smile on my face.



Quoted from George Willson
I'll take solace in the idea that I'm not so annoying that you want me killed off. Yay me.


I was thinking of putting you in there as the secret agent who follows the people around and creates traps for them, but then I ran into the problem of tying you in the rest of the story. Which leads to the sequel: "Pia's Package: The George Willson Delivery"


Damn, I couldn't even think of a good joke for that, either. Sorry to let you down twice, George. Maybe Tyler can cast you as the main character in his Revenge script


Sean
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mcornetto
Posted: April 22nd, 2009, 10:01pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from George Willson
And Michael...yeah, my scroll wheel hits your sig too. It's annoying.

You guys should be happy now.  But just wait until I create my pop-up signature...Then I'll show you all. Bwahahahahahaha!

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steven8
Posted: April 22nd, 2009, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
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I think this is hilarious.  Well written with terrific visuals, action and dialogue.  The characters were totally believable, and seemed as though they may even be people we know in our regular lives.  Well done.

Did I ever tell you about the zombie script I thought about writing. . .


...in no particular order
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The boy who could fly
Posted: April 23rd, 2009, 1:51am Report to Moderator
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Nice one Sean, and you had to have me hooked up with Zack, you fucking asshole, you know how long that would have lasted, like three seconds, I would have been chopping away at that chain immediately...lol.

Anyways very funny, I liked yours and James fate, very appropriate


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Tommyp
Posted: April 23rd, 2009, 4:18am Report to Moderator
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Good stuff Sean! Very funny. It flowed well, and you had the right amount of each of the characters.

I don't really know what else, to say, but good work.

Tyler, can't wait for yours mate


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Grandma Bear
Posted: April 23rd, 2009, 4:57pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean,

I LOVED it!!!!!

I have to admit though that I was getting a bit nervous when I was old and fat all of a sudden. I was releaved to find out it was just Don in a old and fat "me" suit.

Great action writing on your part. And comedic action too. Hard to do.

Great job Sean!  


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Mr.Ripley
Posted: April 23rd, 2009, 7:39pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean,

I read this at work and I must say, it sucked. Why? because I wasn't involved. lol. (JOKE)

It was funny. Poor Higgonator, I'm curious what happened to him? And poor James to suffer that fate. lol. Congrats to you. I can't wait for the revenge tale.

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 23rd, 2009, 8:41pm Report to Moderator
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Don't worry about me, Ripley, I've got something in the works...


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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grademan
Posted: April 24th, 2009, 9:25am Report to Moderator
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Clever. Funny. A limited audience to be sure but damn good shit. Kudos.

Gary
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