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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Real Pig Flu's Story Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Real Pig Flu's Story  (currently 1877 views)
Don
Posted: May 17th, 2009, 6:36pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Real Pig Flu's Story by Helio J Cordeiro & Michel Duthin - Short - Poor Pig Flu! 6 pages - pdf, format


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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  May 17th, 2009, 10:30pm
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mcornetto
Posted: May 18th, 2009, 6:22am Report to Moderator
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An odd pair write and odd story.  

Helio great to see you posting again.

I thought the short was cute.  An interesting way to send a message and you picked no bones in how you presented it.  

Loved the ending.
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Helio
Posted: May 18th, 2009, 6:58am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hi Michael! I wouldn't write it without Michel's help and his critical vision about this matter.

Was nice to read your comment, dude! Thanks!

cheers
Helio
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michel
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 4:03am Report to Moderator
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I know this tale may sound weird and stupid at first sight. But Helio's world is far from that.

Behind this tale, we tried to communicate a serious message. Never mind if no one get it.

We would have warn you....

Michel


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Helio
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 6:03am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Don't worry Michel, because any message we have to comunicate is just one message that we have to comunicate and we did it, mon ami.

Oh, we have Michael's comment, haven't we?
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rendevous
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 6:57am Report to Moderator
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Away

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A quick read and an interesting little story. Obviously Babe and Animal Farm came to mind when I read this, a nice warm feeling.
I understand neither of you have English as a first language so well done on that count. I can't any further than "Hello" in a foreign tongue without resorting to sign language and shouting.

There's a lot of the phrasing in need of correction, I'll let you know what if you like. However there are others roaming these boards with a much better grip of English than I.
Good work.


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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Helio
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 7:30am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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We make an allegory about what most of people believe to be reliable information. What we try to say was that we have take care about all information we receive from the media.

Yes, Baby and Animal Farm may were a great inspiration for this short alert-tale. Fortunately I had a good partner to understand this kind of matter, the best one; a French!

Thanks for your comment!
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michel
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 8:30am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Helio
Fortunately I had a good partner to understand this kind of matter, the best one


Funny! I was about to write the same comment

Michel


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Colkurtz8
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 8:19am Report to Moderator
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Helio & Michel

A lot of spelling and grammatical errors in here but thats understandable. It was ok other than that a good concept, which has the potential to make a decent animation piece should someone take it on.

I liked the ending when the occupation of the man is revealed but the "message" delivered by the cook felt contrived and forced.


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Helio
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 10:34am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Thanks for your comments, colcurtz8!

About the scene of the end, maybe, we wrote it because we are an exaggerated latinos guys.

Thanks again, dude!
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michel
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 4:18pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Colkurtz8
A lot of spelling and grammatical errors in here but thats understandable.


It's not because we're both not English language native that we should be allowed of this.  That short has been written in the rush to stick to the event. That's all. The "understandable" sounds a bit inept.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
I liked the ending when the occupation of the man is revealed but the "message" delivered by the cook felt contrived and forced.

Precise your thought please.

Michel


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alffy
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 4:37pm Report to Moderator
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Hi guys

I felt the story has a very good message surrounding the whole swine flu pandemic that really isn't.  A media propaganda machine that conveniantly draws the publics attention away from the world economic crisis.

I understand what message you are trying to tell here but I feel the ending is a little confusing.  What is the cooks point in killing pig flu?  Is he too fooled, I think your message is a little cloudy here.

A good short though and a very relevent story.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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michel
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 4:47pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Alffy. Hey, It's been a long time...

The point is that he's a cook, and it's the proof that the pigs are harmless regadring man's health.

This kind of twist is really Helio's. You know him. Always think reading a little cute story and BANG!
cruelty comes back without a warning... That's Helio humour, man.

Of course, that's not English humour (rather Brazilian - I could almost say of him: Excuse him, he's from Barcelona...) A far cousin rather.

Thanks for the reading

Michel (& Helio)


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tonkatough
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 5:32pm Report to Moderator
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Ah yes, after those delightful visual of a pig getting gang raped by more pigs how could I not pass up on another swine flu story.

The bad: the message that was as big boulder that your story crashed down on top of my head. No, no, no, no. The message should be buried deep in your story. How you have done it is as blatent as on the nose dialouge.  For a great example of a loaded theme woven deeply into story and not so in your face read Sniper's  "The Total Awesomeness of Cars That Fucking Rock" or Stevie's script about swine flu wchich I can't recall the name of.

The good: The end how you reveal the true nature of the saviour in white. Laugh out loud funny.

A couple of funny lines of dialouge like mother sqeals: "Holy pig!" Plus when Mother pigs says to son "I love you" he reply "me too mom."    


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michel
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 6:26pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from tonkatough
The bad: the message that was as big boulder that your story crashed down on top of my head. No, no, no, no. The message should be buried deep in your story.  


What most of people around wouldn't guess that there's a hidden message inside. Of course, the form here is clumsy, but behind certain words, something is buried.

Michel


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