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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Terry and Bob Moderators: bert
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  Author    Terry and Bob  (currently 1243 views)
Don
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 10:11pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Terry and Bob by Elias Ericksson - Comedy - After twelve years of marriage an odd couple decide to break up. Only only one thing can save their relationship. The Rainbow Bud. 118 pages - pdf, format


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Don  -  May 21st, 2009, 7:46pm
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usaking
Posted: July 2nd, 2009, 7:53pm Report to Moderator
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hi

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I noticed that near the beginning of your script, you say "the camera pans..." I have heard that many people on SS feel that is unnecessary and I can see why. You should take out any of the stuff in your script that has to do with a camera. We don't need to know about the camera and where it would be going if it was a movie.

One of the things I really like in your script is that you aren't afraid to say the F word. I often read scripts where it seems like the writer doesn't want to get his hands dirty. The fighting with Bob and Terry is kind of funny, but seems absolutely unrealistic. I can't imagine anything of the sort actually ever happening. Near the middle of the script, it seems to lose a lot of the comedy it had in the beginning, which was real strong.
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